


The One That Got Away

by modusoperandi



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff, Humour as a tool to maximize pain, M/M, Pining, Romance, The most canon compliant AU ever, Unresolved Romantic Tension, burn as slow as fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-05-02 22:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modusoperandi/pseuds/modusoperandi
Summary: The year is 2014 and he’s Javier Fernandez: did not qualify for the Grand Prix Final, was less than two points off from an Olympic medal, and ironically wiping tears away from the Olympic champion’s face.When he wakes up the next day it’s 2018 and he’s Javier Fernandez: two-time World champion, Olympic bronze medalist, six-time European champion—And Yuzuru Hanyu is no longer by his side.





	1. Estrella Fugaz

In hindsight, his bronze medal at the World Championships really isn’t anything to sneeze at.

_But why couldn’t you do it for the Olympics?_

It’s just unfortunate that his bastard brain can’t leave it well enough alone.

Javi sits himself down on the ground, uncaring for the rapidly melting ice against the bottom of his jeans. He’s still got enough warmth in him from wearing his winter jacket inside the club so he deserves a little moping under the stars, he thinks.

Now that he’s away from the media, from family, from friends, from _everyone—_ Javi can freely admit to himself just how fucking _crushing_ it is to miss out on an olympic medal just because of one little _avoidable_ mistake. Knowing himself, he’ll be haunted by a thousand _what ifs_ for the next foreseeable future.

_What if you’d done it?_

The sound of a door slamming shut disturbs the blessed silence.

_What if you got to retire at twenty-three?_

There’s the crunching of boots against frozen grass.

_What if you finally got to go home?_

A familiar whiff of shampoo is carried over by the breeze.

_What if you got to stand beside him where it counted the most?_

Yuzuru is looking up at the sky when Javi turns toward him, and his fingers twitch against the instinct to brush the boy’s fringe away from his eyes. Yuzuru tilts his head, meeting Javi’s gaze with a sweet little smile that triggers Javi’s own.

_But what if you aren’t strong enough to leave even after all of it?_

“Are you okay?” Yuzuru leans his head against his bent knees, his eyes now fully trained on Javi.

His butt is cold but, “I’m okay.” For now anyway. He’ll figure out how much of a lie that is later. “Are _you_ okay?”

Yuzuru smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes this time. “Mhm.”

Yuzuru is the worst liar sometimes.

Javi chuckles, letting his gaze shift back up the dark sky. GPF champion, Olympic champion, World champion— he doesn’t understand how someone who has everything can look so utterly defeated.

“So. How does the gold medal feel?”

Yuzuru blinks, the corners of his eyes slowly lifting as he barely holds back a grin. “Which one?”

Javi doesn't know whether to laugh or gasp at the utter _gall_ , so he sputters, making an alien sound that's sort of a mix in between as he sticks out an arm to push the cheeky brat off his balance. Yuzuru’s laugh is so genuine that Javi doesn’t even mind the joking arrogance all that much. He watches the boy topple over his own backpack before he rummages around and pulls a black sock out of it. 

And really, nobody can fault him for the snort that slips out at that. “Human fingers are generally longer than those, you know. I don’t think it can substitute as a glove,” he teases, poking at the little stubs at the end of Yuzuru’s toe sock.

“You keep quiet,” Yuzuru huffs, snatching it away from Javi’s reach. “Not my fault your sock basic.”

“Basic?” It’s Javi’s turn to laugh, elbows almost slipping from where he’s leaning back against them. “You mean normal?”

Yuzuru sticks out his tongue, fiddling with the sock in his hands until something gold peeks through. Javi laughs even harder realizing that the Olympic champion is _legitimately_ carrying around his medal in a goddamn _toe sock_. His elbows do slip this time and Javi’s glad that his jacket is thick enough to prevent the cold from seeping through his shirt. 

When he finally calms down long enough to peek at Yuzuru with one eye open, the boy is actually scowling at him with all his might— it would be an intimidating sight if Javi hasn't spent the last couple of years helplessly finding everything about Yuzuru to be completely adorable. So the older male huffs, reaching over to smooth out the furrow in between Yuzuru’s eyebrows without a second's hesitation.

“Ah!” Yuzuru flinches, immediately shaking him off. “Freezing!” He whines, bringing a hand down to slap at Javi’s chest, which does nothing but set off his laughter again.

Rolling his eyes, Yuzuru grabs a fistful of Javi’s jacket and tries to tug him up and off the snow in the midst of Javi catching his breath. The older boy follows, still chuckling under his breath as he pushes himself upright. Something slips over his head once his back is off the ground, and suddenly there’s an unfamiliar weight hanging around his neck.

He stops laughing when he realizes exactly what it is.

Javi slowly looks down, bringing his hands together to cradle the gold medal on his chest. It catches what little light they have—between the moon and the stars and the ugly lamp post beside a rotting bench—and shines back at him with the blinding vengeance of a forbidden treasure. 

The weight of the Olympic gold medal is different from the other medals he's previously worn. It’s almost too—

“Heavy,” Yuzuru whispers from beside him and Javi looks up, still clutching the medal between two frozen hands. “You ask how it feel.” He reaches out and slides one finger against the gleaming gold. “Heavy.”

But Javi isn’t looking at the medal now. He taps Yuzuru’s chin with his thumb, silently asking him to look up. Yuzuru shakes his head and turns away, body facing forward so that Javi can’t look right at him as he speaks.

“I say I want gold. I keep getting gold,” Yuzuru says haltingly. “But people say things too.” And shit, no. That is the last thing Javi wants Yuzuru to know about. “And what they say. It’s truth.” His breath is becoming more and more visible as the temperature steadily drops. “I’m very lucky only. I don’t deserve it.”

Javi gets up, removing the damn medal from his neck as he dusts off his numb ass. He kneels in front of Yuzuru and drapes the gold medal over the rightful champion’s head. One of his hands lingers at Yuzuru’s neck as he thinks of the correct way to phrase the words in his head in a language that neither of them speak perfectly.

“People will always say things Yuzu. They will _always_ say bad things.” He swallows, mind flashing to his own blunder back in Sochi. “But these things are not right.” He ducks down, trying to catch Yuzuru’s eyes. “If you don’t deserve any of this then no one does.” His thumb caresses the smooth skin of Yuzuru’s cheek until it flushes from their shared warmth. “I watched you become the champion that you are, Yuzu. Nobody can tell me you don’t deserve this. Not even you.”

The younger man finally looks back at him and his eyes shine like he’s trapped the stars in his gaze, just like everything else he effortlessly encases in his orbit.

Javi only has a second to revel in that poetic thought before Yuzuru promptly bursts out crying.

 _Fuck_. He scrambles forward to wrap his arms around the younger man, rubbing his back as he frantically thinks of what else to do. Shit, should he crack a joke? Is that appropriate? What does he usually do again? The last person Javi had to comfort actually spoke the same language he does! Hell, what would his _mother_ do? Fuck, what time is it again? His internal Spanish to English dictionary doesn’t function very well at ungodly hours of the night.

“Why do you…” Yuzuru hiccups, interrupting Javi’s rapidly spiralling thoughts. The rest of Yuzuru’s words are uttered in Japanese. Maybe his internal translator also malfunctions at various hours of the day. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it, my jacket is water proof.” Cracking jokes it is. His quip gets a garbled laugh from Yuzuru so he counts that as a win. Javi also thinks his knees are losing feeling, but he doesn’t move a muscle, staying put as Yuzuru’s sobs turn into gasping little sniffles.

Javi leans back slightly, only enough to be able to touch their foreheads together as Yuzuru scrubs away at his face with both hands. Javi gently grabs his wrists and pulls those hands down, catching the last of Yuzuru’s tears with his own thumbs. “You don’t have to carry this weight alone, okay?”

 _I’m right here._ He doesn’t say, but the corners of Yuzuru’s lips slowly lift into a tiny smile either way.

“In fact,” Javi continues, lowering his hands back down to Yuzuru’s neck. “I’d gladly take this weight off of you if you want?” He begins pulling at the medal again and Yuzuru is slow to react but he finally kicks one foot out to shove at Javi’s shoulder once he realizes the intent. Javi absolutely does not dwell on how much flexibility is required to pull that move. His leg would cramp just thinking about it.

“No!” Yuzuru protests with a laugh. “It not _that_ heavy.”

“You were just complaining about it!”

“It okay. I carry it, I am stronger than Javi.”

“What?” Javi grabs him around the waist and squeezes against his jacket until he can tickle him properly. Yuzuru yelps, squirming to get away from him even as his flailing only causes him to slide down and closer to where Javi is now leaning over him. “Can you repeat that? Who’s stronger?”

“Stop!” Yuzuru blindly swats against whichever part of Javi he can reach.

“Sorry I can’t hear you over my super strength.”

“Tiny baby arms!” 

“What was that?”

“No!” His tears now come from laughter and it’s a much better sight to behold. “Okay, okay Javi is stronger!” Yuzuru gasps out in between giggles. Javi lets up, laughing to himself as he turns around and plops down on the spot beside Yuzuru.

“That’s right. I’m the strongest.”

“Hmm, don’t think it go that far.” Yuzuru quietly snickers, curling up to protect himself in case Javi attacks with a new bout of tickles.

But Javi just ruffles his hair and tugs him in closer. Yuzuru breathes against Javi’s shoulder, slowly winding down as Javi stares blankly ahead. He guesses some company is good for his moping soul after all.

“Even if Javi is strong,” Yuzuru says, voice hushed. “Don’t carry the weight alone too.” He lightly pats Javi’s stomach and the older male is suddenly flooded with so much warmth he might as well be standing in front of a furnace. When Javi turns, a witty response at the tip of his tongue, he freezes at the sight of Yuzuru’s devastatingly lovely smile and he can do nothing but gape back at the boy stupidly.

Should he say ‘thank you’? No, that’s too lame.

How about ‘I know’? Nope, too pretentious.

Would a simple ‘okay’ be cool? He’d probably just sound like a complete bozo.

Well, he’s out of ideas so he continues on gaping.

“I will take all the gold so Javi only have to worry about silver weight.”

And there goes this punk ass kid ruining the moment as always.

 

>><<

 

It’s gotten unbearably cold by the time Javi gets off the subway to do some last minute grocery shopping. Yuzuru’s mom had offered to drop him off at home when she picked up her son but Javi had to politely refuse, knowing how empty his fridge is back in his apartment and how much he’d hate himself the next morning if he doesn’t do anything about it.

Arms laden with grocery bags, Javi leisurely walks to his apartment, too sleepy to mind the hour. The stars are brighter by the time he gets to his block, the clouds seemingly evaporating the later the night falls.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees something streak across the dark sky and he immediately perks up, recalling his sister’s words back when they were grimy little kids playing around in their grandmother’s garden pond.

 _Una estrella fugaz_.

‘Make a wish before it goes away!’ Laura had screeched in his ear and Javi remembers the frantic way he'd wished for that really cool toy robot to appear in his bed once he wakes up. He’d figured he missed the shooting star when he’d woken up empty handed the next day.

Javi stops walking and stares up into the night. _What I would give_ , he thinks, closing his eyes as he allows the childish fantasy to soothe his mind. _For a reason to keep fighting_.

A lone meteor falls from the sky, flashing bright and unseen.

When Javi opens his eyes to resume his walk home, he laughs to himself as he thinks of how _good_ it will feel to sleep in the very next day.

 

>><<

 

An unfamiliar blaring sound disrupts Javi from his well deserved day off coma, and he grumpily turns towards the source of noise.

When he reaches out to grab his phone from the nightstand, his fingers merely hit empty space.

Javi shuffles around, thinking he’s underestimated the distance between his bed and the table, but it happens again.

His nightstand has, impossibly, vanished into thin air.

He scrambles up from the cocoon he’s apparently made out of his sheets during the night, frowning at the very loud air condition he can clearly hear all the way in his bedroom— if anything he should’ve had the _heater_ on.

Blearily looking around, he doesn’t register that something is very seriously wrong with his surroundings until his bare feet touch hardwood floor.

It’s a nice shiny floor and all but his apartment bedroom only has _carpet_ flooring.

Javi jumps up, wide awake at the realization that _he’s not in his own place_.

“Shit, ow!” He stubs his toe on a wooden desk that is most definitely _not_ supposed to be in his room but— no that’s impossible. He looks up from his foot and is met with ratty, old football posters barely hanging from the wall above a desk filled with books and trophies. And the one annoying alarm clock that Javi immediately silences beneath a closed fist.

His hands fly up to his hair then, feeling the confusion rise when the touch is met with more hair than he remembers having the night before. He stands in the middle of the room, struck dumb with the fact that he's somehow returned to his _childhood bedroom_ overnight when the last thing he remembers is eating microwave lasagna from a box and falling asleep watching Youtube.

“Javi! You’re gonna be late, wake up already!” Someone knocks on his door and Javi startles, taking a moment before he croaks out an answer.

“Y-yeah. A minute…” He says in English before realizing that the words spoken to him are in _Spanish_ because that is his _sister Laura_ outside his door right now. “Impossible. This is a dream.” Maybe his boxed Lasagna had weird things injected in it. He can never trust Toronto at two o’clock in the morning you know? He really should have had that peanut butter toast instead.

Javi dives back into bed and shoves his head in the pillow, trying to force his mind to calm down and go back to sleep. This is a dream. A dream, a dream, a drea—

“Javier Fernandez!” Laura bursts inside his evidently unlocked bedroom, stomping towards the bed and dragging her very reluctant brother out of it. “You have a really important meeting today! You wouldn’t shut up about it last night and now you’re slacking?!”

What meeting? Nobody fucking cares about him in Spain!

Javi turns around and stares at Laura like a deer in headlights. She looks a little different, but Javi thinks it’s probably because she isn’t wearing her make up yet.

“ _Dios mío_ , you’re so hopeless. Come on. Up, up!” She hits him with the dishcloth in her hand and Javi flinches away, wrinkling his nose.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he admits, sitting up on the bed and looking up at her helplessly.

Laura studies him for a second before shaking her head and ruffling his hair. “Remind me not to let you drink too much next time,” she says before walking back to the living room.

Javi slowly gets up, staggering towards the bathroom without paying too much attention to the things scattered around his bedroom. He switches the lights on when he gets there and almost hits it right back off. 

The person in the mirror cannot possibly be himself— but he seems like a good imposter, alright. With better hair and stronger muscles, maybe. Javi slaps a hand to his face and runs it over the well-groomed facial hair. _God_ , he’s never been high his whole life but he imagines this is close to what it would feel like.

His eyes travel up to the ceiling where a spider is currently making a home out of the deepest corner near the shower stall and the repetitive movement of the little hard worker somehow keeps Javi from completely losing his head right this very second. His gaze slides back down to his supposed reflection, and then lower to fixate on the phone lying innocently beside the sink.

He doesn’t know whose phone it is but he does know what happens when he presses that middle button.

Ignoring the panic churning in his stomach, Javi lets the screen light up under his hand. 

What he sees doesn’t make him outright scream— it’s a close call though. His throat produces a sound like a deflating balloon instead.

 

_April 1, 2018_

 

There must have been something _seriously_ wrong with that lasagna from last night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for reading!
> 
> Hope you're in for the long haul with this monster fic hahah... don't be fooled by the length of this first chapter I write a-fucking-lot. 
> 
> Next up: 2018 Yuzu, more screaming, and a whole boatload of question marks


	2. Logic

It takes an entire half hour for Javi to stop blaming the lasagna for everything that’s happening in his life at the moment. His mind browses through the comic books he used to read in middle school as he tries to figure out how to get back to his own body before he gets himself stuck in this place.

Because there’s just no other explanation as to what this is.

Javi has straight up fast-forwarded his own life a whole _four years_ possibly through sheer will and passive aggressive universe taunting alone.

Unless he’s, you know, stuck in some really vivid dream that just won’t let him wake up, or he’s in a bizarre alternate reality that is just _way_ too close to his actual reality, or— oh _god_ what if he’s in a coma? Holy _shit_ , what if he’s _dead_?

Javi is sitting on the toilet, muttering nonsense to himself when Laura returns to check in on him again. His sister takes one look at the mess that is his current disposition and immediately offers to cancel all of his appointments for the day.

And that is exactly why Laura, coma-induced illusion or not, is his favourite sister in the entire world— never mind that she’s literally his only sister. It’s the sentiment that counts.

“What’s wrong?” She manages to coax him out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. Javi is just glad that his parents seem to be out already. He really doesn’t need the entire household witnessing this horrible shit show.

How do you even tell someone that you’re from another timeline? Or universe? Or whatever the fuck this is? Especially when said someone is your sister who probably thinks you’re still drunk out of your mind from a party that you never even got to enjoy the night before?

“Nothing. I just… need a day.” More like a month. But he settles for that vague statement for now, deciding to keep his predicament to himself as he isn’t really feeling up to assembling his jumbled thoughts into actual words.

“Okay, do you want me to call Marina?”

_Who?_

The sinking feeling in his stomach only gets deeper the more he thinks about it so Javi doesn’t voice out the question. He’ll cross that bridge later. “I’d rather be alone.”

Laura only hesitates for a moment before leaving him be. She’s already dressed in her work attire and Javi assumes that she’s teetering on the edge of being late so he shooes her out of the house with a lighthearted joke about being out of practice in drinking.

“Let me know if you need anything okay? We just got you back home, _manito_ , we don’t want any weird stuff happening now.”

Weird stuff. _Hah_.

Javi shakes his head, waving her goodbye.

He’s slightly less panicked by the time he settles himself in the kitchen, stuck in a weird haze of confounded disbelief and begrudging acceptance. He doesn’t actually know how to feel about this— last night he’d only been a few weeks away from his twenty-third birthday and today he’s very fast approaching twenty-seven.

Javi bounces his phone from one hand to another, looking over the laptop he’s placed in front of him. It takes two minutes of pep talk before he stops being a coward and finally slides a finger over the mouse pad. The screen asks him for a password and Javi is glad that he isn’t very creative with his password choices. It’s predictably the same one he’s had since 2014.

Ignoring the multitude of open documents littering the screen, Javi goes straight to googling himself. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting to find, but a colourful spread on wikipedia is certainly not one of them.

He sees _two-time World champion_ and chokes on his orange juice. Six-time _consecutive_ European champion has him breathing odd. How is it possible to win so many fucking times?

 _Olympic bronze medalist_.

Javi shuts the lid on his laptop. 

It’s nine o’clock on a Sunday morning, Javi is not in his real body, and he’s getting emotional over his own wikipedia page.

What an amazing start to the week.

Javi rubs a hand over his face, telling himself not to get too worked up. For all he knows, this really could just be a fever dream and he’d wake up the next day in his little single bed and without a title to show for himself.

Yet his own hands move out of their own volition and they pull his computer back up. He dawdles around until morbid curiosity eventually carries him all the way to the darkest part of the internet— social media.

He stalks his own instagram and gets stuck on a post regarding Revolution on Ice, re-reading it at least five times before forcing himself to move along. The thought of doing something more productive crosses his mind and Javi almost exits out of the tab, ready to go through the word files that most likely contain details about his ‘important meetings’ but then one of the videos on his feed starts playing when he accidentally clicks on it.

Javi is greeted with his own face, slightly blurry and with bad lighting, but he’s smiling and laughing and skating and generally looking like he’s having the time of his life— with a beautiful girl by his side who Javi knows absolutely nothing about. 

Interest piqued, he hits the arrow and sees more posts with the same lady. Javi tilts his head, peering at his own face on the screen. He looks happy, yeah, so he wonders where it all went wrong.

Because Javi in his current state is very much _smitten_ with someone completely different and he can’t even fathom the idea of ever letting this feeling go. 

His fingers stutter over the keyboard, just managing to stop himself from looking up _that_ name, aware enough of himself to fully admit that he’s terrified to find out what this place has made out of the two of them.

 

>><<

 

After much poring over his schedule and appointment material, Javi finally has an inkling of what his important meetings are all about. It’s late afternoon by the time he looks up from the screen, dragging himself off the warm sheets so he can freshen up and spend time with the family he’s dearly missed.

His father is the first one home, and they put together enough food on the table to feed an army of ravenous teenagers. When Laura returns with their mother in tow, she smiles wide at the sight of Javi no longer looking like he’s in the middle of a life or death crisis.

He can now see with vivid clarity that they’ve all inevitably aged with the time that’s passed, but the laughter on the dining table is as loud as he last remembers and the joy in their eyes is the only thing he hasn’t questioned since waking up in this strange world.

Later in the night, he pulls up his proverbial socks and types up a text for Yuzuru, hoping that the time difference currently between them isn’t too ridiculous. He’s still too rattled to look up Yuzuru and check if the boy is in Japan or in Canada at the moment so he hits send and immediately shoves the phone under his pillow, heart beating too loud for someone who just sent his friend a very simple _hey_.

Javi listens to the rhythm of his own breathing, wide eyes staring unseeingly up at the ceiling as he waits.

Does he have his phone on silent? He feels around for the device and pulls it out, opening up the screen to check if his settings are correctly set up. Satisfied that he won’t miss a response, Javi places the phone beside him and turns over to obsessively stare at it.

It rings loud not too long after, a little too loud considering the hour, making Javi scramble for it with the bumbling finesse of a baby deer.

_Marina_

There goes that name again, but Javi now has a face to go with it. He drops the phone back on the bed, staring at it as it rings and rings and rings. He’s afraid that he’ll do something wrong if he touches the phone, even just to lower the volume, and he _knows_ he’ll do something wrong if he picks up the call.

So he lets it go to voicemail and hopes for the best.

 

>><<

 

Yuzuru is yet to respond to him.

Javi’s leg bounces up and down under the table as Santiago, the PR manager from his team, explains to the group the pros and cons of having Revolution on Ice during competition season. He honestly thought this discussion has been done and over with seeing as the schedule for the event has been out for a while now and it’s not like they haven’t talked about it years prior. Javi's seen clips of the event from a few years ago.

His fingers stray to where his phone quietly rests in his pocket, fighting the urge to open it up knowing that nothing is waiting to greet him but disappointment.

Elena, an immaculately dressed woman who’s been shuffling a thick stack of papers since the start of the meeting slides a slightly less intimidating batch over to his side, gesturing for him to read it over when Javi sends her a questioning look.

It doesn’t take long to figure out that it’s a detailed version of his very convoluted schedule for the next couple of months and Javi has to take a deep breath before reading it, trying his best to truly absorb the information rather than merely skimming over the whole thing.

Tiago’s voice blurs into the background while Javi focuses his attention on the bundle in front of him— that’s a lot of events he’s got to attend, not to mention all the ice shows he’s apparently signed up for. Honestly, is this Javi trying to skate as many ice shows as he can in one fell swoop? He imagines the olympic season must’ve been tiring so Javi doesn’t understand where all these commitments are coming from.

Must be because he’s _retired_.

Okay, semi-retired but _god_ , does Javi have conflicting feelings about that. 

His phone vibrates in his pocket, forcing a slight crack in his concentration but he ultimately decides to forego looking at it in order to finish going over the schedule as fast as possible.

But then it happens again— vibrating twice, thrice, so quick in succession that Javi almost thinks that he’s getting a phone call rather than a text message.

Self-control is evidently not something he practices at ten o’clock on a Monday morning so Javi fishes the phone out and uses his fingerprint to open the home screen. He still hasn’t figured out what the passcode for his phone is because, unlike the situation with his laptop, it’s no longer the same as the one from four years ago.

 

**Javi 22:17**

Hey Yuzu!

 

**Yuzu 10:43**

Javi!!

Sorry I took long

I lost the phone (。•́︿•̀。)

 

Javi smiles stupidly down at the message.

A discrete check around him shows everyone else still looking invested in Tiago’s ongoing discussion so he slumps down and impatiently waits for Line to stop lagging. 

 

**Javi 10:45**

Haha how did you find it?

I thought you forgot about me

 

**Yuzu 10:47**

It fell on my face when I pull my blanket up

I don’t forget! But I thought you super busy?

How was meeting yesterday?

 

**Javi 10:48**

Hahahaha

Moved that meeting to today actually

 

**Yuzu 10:49**

Ahhhh did you get answer for CWW?

 

Javi blinks, peering over his schedule to see if any of the events listed can be shortened to those three letters. He comes up blank but his self preservation instincts tell him that whatever he does, he most definitely should _not_ ask Yuzuru to remind him what ‘CWW’ is.

 

**Javi 10:53**

We’re talking about it

What time is it there? You should go back to sleep

 

**Yuzu 10:55**

No ヽ(　·∀·)ﾉ

Have fun in meeting Javi!

 

He shakes his head, running a finger over Yuzuru’s name on his phone. At least it’s looking optimistic. Yuzuru isn’t ignoring him and he still uses too many of those goddamn emojis so that’s a good sign.

Javi searches up ‘CWW’ in relation to Yuzuru, huffing a proud little laugh at discovering that it’s Yuzuru’s own ice show happening in Japan this month. He scrolls over the translated event info, certain that his smile is presently ever growing to take up a good half of his face the more he reads about it.

“Hey, do you have… Continues With Wings on my schedule here somewhere?” Javi turns to Elena, keeping his voice down as Tiago seems to be winding down, ready to move onto the next topic.

Elena looks at him, lips pursed and eyes sympathetic. “It can’t fit anywhere Javi, we’ve talked about this.”

No. No, way. That can’t be. 

“But I can’t _not_ be there,” he blurts out, forgetting to watch his volume and accidentally alerting the entire meeting room of the situation at hand.

She glances over the group, her expression that of a mother readying herself to explain something she’s already talked about many times over. Javi would be more offended if his indignance doesn’t currently rival that of a particularly haughty toddler’s.

“You have other events to attend that weekend, all are in Spain. There’s just no logic in you to flying out to Japan, skating for 3 hours, and then flying back in. You’re going to miss promotion opportunities for ROI and a chance to get your name out there some more, not to mention you’re going to kill yourself with exhaustion that way,” she explains gently, sounding like she’s rehearsed the speech in preparation for this exact outburst. “I know you really want to make it work, Javi. But we’re thinking long-term results here and this is the best plan of action.” Elena pauses, letting Javi take that in. “Besides, we already agreed to pre-record a video so the audience can at least see you from there. Do you understand?”

“Sure.” Well _his_ plan of action certainly doesn’t include disappointing Yuzuru but Javi’s lost control of all aspects of his life now apparently. “I’ll take that into consideration.”

Management nod their heads, closing the topic for the time being. Javi can almost feel the collective sigh they’re trying to suppress. He really doesn’t mean to be _that_ person but _who in their right mind_ would think that Javier Fernandez would be okay with rejecting his attendance for Yuzuru Hanyu’s first ice show production? 

Unless.

Javi’s leg starts bouncing again. Did this Javier actually accept Elena’s reasoning to leave the show out of his schedule? Just like that?

He tunes in to the next speaker, remaining politely quiet for the rest of the meeting.

 

>><<

 

He listens to Marina’s voicemail while he’s out grocery shopping with Laura and their mother. Turns out the cereal aisle is the perfect place to wallow in guilt as his supposed girlfriend speaks lovingly in his ear. She’s leaving for vacation with her family—this Javier most likely already knows that—and had wanted to leave him something so he doesn’t miss her too much. It’s said in a joking manner but Javi can’t think past the anxiety clawing up his throat. Hopefully he’ll have his shit together by the time she gets back.

A very unlikely scenario but one can only hope.

Laura turns into the aisle and asks why he’s glaring at the corn flakes, to which Javi blabbers about health and sugar and additives while his sister’s face steadily morphs into a mix of irritation and concern. It’s sort of her default expression when he’s around so Javi isn’t very fazed.

But he does almost drop his phone when it starts ringing, paranoia setting in before the more logical part of his brain tells him that Marina is off on a cruise somewhere, probably not even thinking about Javi and his cereal-hating ass, so he gingerly lifts the phone to eye level and breathes a sigh of relief when his father’s name shows up on the screen.

“Dad!” He answers a little too giddily, making his father pause before carefully requesting for them to grab some more tomatoes.

Javi laughs hysterically all by himself as Laura watches on in morbid wonder. He’s peppily making his way to the vegetable section when his phone rings again, this time blaring out a weird, bleeping sound that’s completely different from his usual ringtone.

He frowns down at the screen, swiping at it until Skype shows the name of the caller.

_Yuzuru_

Javi forgets how his fingers work somehow and he fumbles with the phone, thumbs going over each other and fingers hitting different apps open as he tries to answer the call. It eventually slides out of his palm and he thinks his mouth tries to say ‘no, my phone!’ but it only comes out as a strange ‘moh!’ as his arms desperately try to break the fall.

Laura catches his phone before it crashes to its untimely death and answers the call for him with a simple swipe of a finger. “Hello Yuzuru.”

Javi watches on helplessly as his sister talks to the cutest boy in the universe.

He tunes back in when Laura laughs loudly. “Yes, my brother’s here. He’s a bit of an idiot right now though so please bear with him.” 

Yuzuru is also mid laugh when Javi gets his phone shoved back at him and, “Oh. Hi.” 

“Hi, Javi.” He can still hear the smile in Yuzuru’s voice.

“I was— um, hi?” He tries for cheerful but it comes out shakily, like he’s a touch nervous. _Just_ a touch.

He thinks he hears a quiet snort somewhere, can’t tell if it’s from Yuzuru’s line or his though. “Yes, hello.”

“Yes, I’m.” Javi panics, stuttering as he wracks his brain for something to say. _Come on_ , they've just been texting a few hours ago, this is _Yuzuru_ why is he acting like such a _moron_. “Hi.”

 _Moron!_ His brain supplies and yes, thank you, he knows that much. His brain also decides to helpfully remind him that at this time, Yuzuru is no longer the nineteen year old Javi knows from four years ago. This thought process doesn’t help him at all.

Wide eyes look up to find Laura staring at him in complete and utter horror.

Javi can relate.

“How are you?” Yuzuru asks at the same time Javi blurts out a less coherent version of the same question.

“Oh, uh.”

“I’m fine.”

“Great, yes, okay, me too.” Javi’s glad they got past the hellos at least. This is improvement. “How are— how is, uh.” Oh no, he’s already asked that.

Laura covers her face with both hands.

Yuzuru is very clearly trying to muffle his laughter from the other line. “Javi, are you tired?”

“Uh,” he answers intelligently. “No, no. I got… the recommended amount of sleep. Are you… are you tired?”

Laura is now screaming into her hands.

“No, I got sleep too.” There’s a bit of shuffling from Yuzuru’s end before it all quiets down and the other boy’s voice is suddenly much clearer— softer in the abrupt quiet. “I’m at club. We talking about Continues.”

Ah, right. “How’s that coming along?” Finally, a human sentence comes out of him.

“It’s good! Really fun.” Yuzuru sounds genuinely excited. “But they asking me about you. Um, we need time… for all skaters. They need be sure you there.” The boy takes a moment to breathe before asking properly. “Will you be there, Javi? More than recorded video?”

He can’t. Javi covers the mic on his phone and gapes at the ceiling like the anxious mouth breather he is. Elena’s already told him, firm and final. The answer is no. Javi hadn’t really backed down during the meeting, yes, but he knows, logically, that it just can’t happen.

“Yuzu…” He uncovers the phone, thinking of the most gentle way he can break this news.

“Hm?” But even just that little sound from Yuzuru is so sweet, so hopeful. Javi’s heart does a thing.

And fuck logic. _Fuck it all to hell_ , Javi is somehow in the _goddamn future_. Making his schedule work is no impossible feat in comparison. He’ll make it work— he’ll make it work _so hard_.

“I’ll be there.” Somehow, some way. “More than just a recorded video.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smh Javi
> 
> If you guys find any mistakes pls forgive me I am rushing to have this up before my road trip hAHA
> 
> I'm most active on [Tumblr](http://yuzuviere.tumblr.com) if y'all wanna chat!


	3. Prometo

So Javi makes it work— sort of. 

He doesn’t make it work as hard as he's intended to but at least it’s more than just a pre-recorded video. 

Javi sits in a chair in the meeting room, feeling quite satisfied with himself considering the fact that the team ended up having to get his mother and his sister in the vicinity to stage an intervention. His father simply _refuses_ to take part in this madness and Javi doesn’t blame him. He, too, wants very much to detach his soul from his own body to escape the very awkward tension in the room at the moment.

Long story short, Javi had stalked into the board room, tickets to Japan in hand, and had promptly declared that absolutely _nobody_ can stop him from flying out the weekend of Yuzuru’s ice show. 

Turns out they _can_ stop him, though it had taken the strength of four adult men combined to try and pry those plane tickets out of his cold, clammy hands. 

Elena had stood in the background the entire time the meeting room was at war, rubbing her forehead wearily while she spoke into her phone as calmly as she could make herself be. 

Which brings us back to the present, where Elena’s enlisted the help of the Fernandez women to try andtalk some sense into the youngest member of their family. The others have cleared out at Elena’s request, leaving him with probably the only three people in the building who have the power to intimidate him into submission. Unfortunately for them, Javi has already thought through a Plan B, and he’s just presented a foolproof alternative to him physically flying out to Japan that weekend. 

“You do realize that you’d have to wake up really, really, early for that, right?” It’s Laura who speaks first, glancing at the clock to make sure that she’s not yet late for her own job. 

Javi shrugs. “It’s not like I’m not used to waking up early during competitions.”

“Early as in five in the morning early, Javi.”

Elena clears her throat and pitches in, “Four.” Three sets of eyes land on her. “Four in the morning, to have enough time to prepare for the _original_ schedule on that day." 

Enriqueta frowns. “Schedule? But that’s his birthday.”

Oh, would you look at that? Javi’s forgotten his own goddamn birthday. He blinks at his mother, brain short circuiting in a continuous loop of _4am 4am 4am_. If he doesn’t know better he’d think he’d swallowed a cuckoo clock for breakfast.

Silence follows the question for about three blessed seconds before Elena mutters, “The event shouldn’t take the whole day, so he’ll have the evening off but unfortunately, we don’t have a lot of room to move his schedule around any more that this.”

Laura has to shuffle out of the room not long after that and the commotion Javi's caused dies down now that they’ve figure out a way to compromise. 

He can only ‘attend’ the ice show on its last day, via live video call. Yuzuru and the audience will see him, but Javi can only hear their voices. He sees it now, the dumb grin he’d wear on his face at the sound of Yuzuru’s voice. What would they say to each other? What _can_ they say, watched by thousands of people?

Javi thinks of the electronic plane ticket he has in his phone and wonders how badly he’d ruin future Javier’s plans if he selfishly up and goes anyway. 

 

>><<

 

See, the funny thing about being a retired athlete, as poor Javi eventually finds out, is that you don’t actually get to _retire_ despite the very definition of the word.

The next couple of days give a whole new meaning to the word _busy_. 

He’s never been so tired in his whole _life_. But it’s the good kind of tired. The ‘I’ve been so productive I don’t even recognize myself’ type of tired rather than the ‘I’ve been sitting on my couch eating potatoes the whole day, Netflix is lulling me to sleep’ alternative. Javi can’t believe he’s found something more exhausting than the most gruesome of Brian’s training camps. 

His phone pings with a series of messages and Javi’s reminded that, barring phone calls and text messages with the production team and his family, he hasn’t really checked it in quite a while. Figuring that he deserves a little break, he gives in to the urge and opens up his messaging app, giddy with the prospect of catching up with everyone. He goes through Alex’s messages first, then Misha’s, spending a good couple of minutes laughing at the photos mixed in with their conversation and— would you look at that, even Patrick's texted him yesterday. 

At the end of his notifications, he sees a message from Brian sent fourteen hours ago. 

Javi taps at it and is met with pictures of… clothing? Bags? Towels? He scrolls down to where an actual text is visible, telling him that _these are the merchandise from Continues With Wings!_ And _what do you think of them?_ And _do you see your name on the back of_ — 

Oh _shit_. 

Zooming in on one of the photos, Javi is struck with a weird mix of fluttery happiness and morbid trepidation. While holding onto the last vestiges of the silly hope he's had to find a way to physically attend even just the last show, he’s forgotten to let them know that he actually can’t fly out for the weekend after all. 

Scrambling to get on his laptop, Javi checks the guest list on the website and is relieved to find that they haven’t added his name on it. His stomach is already doing its best imitation of a pretzel at the thought of delivering the frustrating news to Yuzuru, he doesn’t think he can take it if he’s to be responsible with disappointing the fans at the same time. 

His thumbs hover over the keyboard, contemplating whether he should respond to Brian now or if he should get on the phone _pronto_ and beg for Yuzuru’s forgiveness. 

Convenience says the former but Javi thinks he’s been passive about the issue for too long. 

He calls Yuzuru before he loses his nerve. 

And the phone rings for so long that Javi realizes how amazingly anti-climatic it would be to have this end with just a simple little voice message. The connection gets cut off mid-ring and Javi double checks their Wi-fi before trying the call again.

Fucking Wi-fi. You’d think it gets better in the future. 

“Javi!” The call gets picked up so suddenly, Javi momentarily forgets how to talk. 

“Hi! Yuzu. Hi.” Oh hell no, he isn’t starting with this again. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, how are you?” 

“Good! I’m great, thanks.” He drags a hand down the side of his face, letting his fingers close over his left eye where an itch is bordering from irritating to painful. “Busy?”

Yuzuru hums, “A little. You?” 

Javi huffs at the sure understatement. “I’m so tired I’m dying,” he answers honestly. 

Yuzuru laughs and Javi wants to bottle up that sound. Open the lid. Play it on repeat. 

He’s so fucking sappy. 

“You need rest now,” Yuzuru says, his voice coloured with the same fond exasperation it gets whenever he thinks Javi is doing something stupid. 

Too bad Javi will never think that talking to Yuzuru is ever stupid. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he answers dismissively, earning another muffled laugh. “Hey Yuzu?”

“Yes?”

“I can’t be there for your ice show.” Like ripping off a bandaid. Just that this particular bandaid has such an unfairly strong lingering effect. “I tried to talk to them but it’s— there’s this event on the same weekend. Apparently my attendance is crucial, I can’t get out of it and I just.” He takes a deep breath. “But on the last show, they’ll let me do a live video call.”

He forces himself to stop talking and the silence that ensues is practically _begging_ for Javi to start up another round of babbling but he won’t. He needs to know what Yuzuru has to say first. 

“But that’s your birthday.” Comes the thrilling answer to his long-winded announcement. 

Javi blinks. He’s expecting a lot of possible responses but this one’s totally out of left field.

“Uh… yes. It is.” 

“Why you waking up early?” 

He can’t believe this is even a question. “Because I’m skating for your show.” 

Another bout of silence. This is officially the worst phone call he’s ever had. 

“Okay… okay, um.” Javi hears him take a deep breath and he isn’t sure whether that’s a good or a bad sign so he finds himself withholding his own inhale, teetering on the edge of stress the longer Yuzuru takes to continue. “Okay. Thank you, Javi!” 

Alright, he can handle this, he can— 

Wait, did Yuzuru just _thank_ him?

“Huh?” Javi squeaks out, continuing to display his spectacular social skills. 

“I know it’s hard to wake up for you. Thank you for thinking of me on your birthday,” his angel explains, sounding utterly genuine in his gratitude.

Javi rubs a hand over his face, feeling an army of metaphorical needles prick little holes inside his chest. What’s he to do when he calls Yuzuru to _belatedly_ deliver the bad news and here this boy goes, worrying about Javi’s sleep schedule and thanking him for doing less than what he’s originally promised? Javi wants to dramatically run outside in the pouring rain, open his arms out to the heavens and scream in total agony. 

“Anything for you,” he says instead, seeing as his legs are too tired to sprint out the front door and it’s not even raining outside. There’s some telltale shuffling from the other line and Javi hurries to add, “Wait, don’t hang up yet.”

“Hm?” 

“Stay with me.”

An amused little snicker follows the request. Four years ago, Yuzuru would have sputtered, maybe gasped at least. Shown outward signs of being flustered. 

Javi is dying to see this undaunted Yuzuru. Be the one to get a reaction out of him again.

“Sleep Javi. Busy day tomorrow.” 

“I know, but…” He sighs, picking at the loose threads on the sheets. “Just two more seconds?”

Yuzuru laughs and this time it’s soft, trailing off at the end like he’s leaning away from the phone. “Okay.” Javi doesn’t even get the chance to express his joy at his majesty’s grand permission before he gets a cheeky, “Two seconds done.”

Brat.

“No!” He drags the word out for as long as he can, buying himself some time to think of a response. He really is getting tired, but gathering the nerve to call Yuzuru is a rare occurrence and Javi is afraid to end it now. “I’m lonely.”

“Not be lonely when sleeping,” Yuzuru says quickly before some muffled Japanese interrupts him just barely after he finishes. “I really have to go. Parade stuff.”

“Okay, I—” _I miss you_. “Bye, have fun.” 

“Thanks! Bye bye, sweet dreams.”

Javi hangs up, sighing as he lets the phone drop and cursing profusely when it crashes down on his chin.

He allows himself to sulk for a moment. Lets his head reconcile with the fact that he’s endlessly bitter over the loss of their time together—desperately misses the time when it was just the two of them of chasing after an impossible future—when their names didn’t ring the same echo as they do now, when their shiny little medals didn’t carry the weight of a nation. He didn't even get to experience the moments in between. 

Closing his eyes against his own swirling thoughts, he eventually succumbs to a strangely restful few hours of sleep. 

And then he dreams of the day they met, Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandez. Two regular boys with golden dreams bigger than their hands could take a hold of. He dreams of sitting on the edge of a mountain, holding those delicate hands in his, grip firm and strong.

A star falls from the sky and they reach for it with entangled hands. It slips from their grasp but they laugh as they make a run for it. More stars cut a line through the sky shortly after but they all go unnoticed in favour of chasing the only one that seemingly matters. 

They eventually leap off the mountain, fearless despite the frozen darkness of the fall and somewhere during the descent, Yuzuru lets go of his hand. Javi doesn’t look back, ignoring the pressure against his chest in the intent to catch his elusive star. When Javi reaches the bottom of the cliff, miraculously in tact, the star is burning white hot in his palms. 

He looks back to where they came from but Yuzuru is gone and their mountain has crumbled under the weight of a thousand falling stars.

Javi wakes up with the pressure of falling still lingering on his chest but with no recollection of what he’s dreamed of.

Rubbing his chest to soothe the uncomfortable feeling, he leans against the headboard and gathers his wits about him. It’s way too early in the morning for someone like him to be awake but he knows he can’t go back to sleep now. Placing his feet on the ice cold floor helps strengthen his resolve to stay up so Javi’s only slightly grumpy as he sleepily pokes the coffee maker to life.

A decently caffeinated version of himself returns to the room a little later, remembering how he’d procrastinated on a thing last night— a very important thing that maybe has a little to do with the new program he’s skating to for the upcoming ice shows. 

Okay it has a _lot_ to do with the new program he’s going to be skating to. 

He listens to _Prometo_ and is glad that he’s all alone in his room as he doesn’t think he’d be very convincing in pretending that this is not the first time he’s ever heard of the song. 

Which brings him to the next issue— is future Javier _okay_? He’s kind of concerned here. No honestly, this song is so sad, Javi is sniffling into his second mug of coffee at six o’clock in the morning. Granted, he’s a hundred times softer in the early hours but still. 

Javi chuckles quietly, trying to ignore the familiar wisps of dread creeping into his senses. God, he's just a ball of anxiety and dread ever since waking up in the future. It probably isn’t a good idea to read too much into this right now but unfortunately, four years forward or not, he knows himself very well. 

So he hits the replay button and listens to the lyrics over and over and over, wondering. 

Wondering if this has anything to do with the mismatched hearts of the past and the future Javier.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: ok time to finish up your short af chapter 3  
> Brain: how bout we do chapter 15 instead
> 
> That’s it that’s the reason this update took so long (and also because I rewrote the first scene like 5 times but that’s irrelevant). The next update will be in like a week or two not 3 months I sWEAR
> 
> Next up on the fic with too much cryptic star shenanigans: A certain Japanese skater finally!! in the flesh


	4. Dilemma

“Leaving for the airport soon?”

Javi nods, massaging the dull ache forming in between his brows. He’s forgotten. He’s sincerely, with all of his douchebag heart, forgotten about the girlfriend.

And now he’s supposed to pick her up from the airport while being utterly ill-equipped. The only reason he even knows about the arriving flight is that efficient little future Javier had put in a reminder on his phone. Javi had been rudely awakened by an alarm he didn’t remember setting up the night before and seeing the note that came with it almost made him scream.

“Are you guys coming here after or staying out?”

He shrugs, trudging around to find his shoes. Enriqueta points towards a corner almost hidden by the bathroom door and ah, right he left those there in a rush to wash up and get some sleep last night.

“Are you okay, Javi?” Isn’t that the million dollar question? His mother reaches out and rubs a gentle hand over his back. “I thought you’d be more excited for this.”

“Hm,” he answers vaguely. “Just tired.” There are no words to explain how completely _not_ okay he is. Looking down at his mother, at her kind eyes and the ever comforting lift at the corner of her lips, Javi longs to tell her everything that’s happening. A mother’s love can make her believe anything her child says can’t it?

But a mother’s love can also send him straight into mental facility and really, he’s trying to get back home here, there’s no time to waste trying to convince a _doctor_ that he’s a time traveller.

“Alright, let me know if she’s coming over, I’ll make some food for you.”

“Thanks, Ma. See you later.” He waves goodbye with all the enthusiasm of a high school student on the first day of school.

He drives slowly, having left a whole two hours ahead of her flight arriving. Javi wants to give himself ample time to freak out, maybe backtrack on his phone to wheedle out how their dynamic works, freak out some more, and then finally, hopefully, reach a state of calm good enough to convince her that his world hasn’t gone tits up and he is, in fact, doing well.

Javi gets to the arrivals area and stands there, not quite sure what to do with himself. He stares at the wall and listens to the slightly muffled voice of the announcer, hoping he doesn’t miss it when her flight number flashes on the board.

Shuffling over to the closest coffee lineup, he decides to make use of his extra time by rereading their old conversations— which can maybe help him find out what kind of coffee she likes? If he just shows up with one cup for himself that will be massively rude. But if he shows up with the _wrong_ kind of coffee, he imagines that it will be even more of a disaster.

In the end, all the worrying turns out for naught because he just chugs down his coffee in a fit of delirious stress before bouncing back over to the arrivals. But hey, at least he now has an idea of how to interact with her so that’s something to be proud of.

Marina arrives soon after, visibly tired from the long flight but still wearing a radiant smile that looks as pretty as he’s seen on their photos. She drags her suitcase behind her, walking faster after spotting Javi standing there dumbly, one hand slightly up in an aborted wave.

Right. He’s also forgotten that she went on this trip with her _family_.

“Javi!” She runs up to him as fast as her suitcase allows and Javi instinctively opens his arms to receive the body barreling straight towards him. She laughs into his neck once they finally embrace, letting go of the poor suitcase with a loud clang.

Javi hopes he doesn’t look as awkward as he feels when the rest of her family approaches.

“How’ve you been, Javi?” He assumes this is Marina’s father.

“I’m good, I’m good. You must’ve more interesting stories though,” he responds with a smile, taking his girlfriend’s luggage from the floor as he leads them to the exit. “Everything good on the boat? Nobody fell over?” He makes a show of looking around to make sure every single family member is present despite the fact that he _doesn’t have a single clue_ as to how many siblings Marina actually has.

It earns him a round of giggles and Javi inwardly sighs in relief. It’s going to be tiring trying to act as his older self but as he looks around the friendly faces around him, absently listening to the stories the younger siblings are trying to tell him all at once, he’s glad that future Javier has at least chosen someone with a wonderful family to be with.

“I missed you,” Marina whispers, looking up at him with adoration in her pretty brown eyes.

Javi smiles kindly, tucks her hair behind her ears, and doesn’t say anything.

 

>><<

 

He drops them off at their house and helps to unload the suitcases. Once everyone is settled inside, her parents ask him to join them for lunch but Javi declines, not wanting to impose. It's evident they don’t have much to prepare after a two week vacation.

"It's okay, Ma, we'll go out for food." Marina answers before Javi can wheedle his way out by himself.

"You're sure? You don't wanna rest?" He asks, surprised she's up for anything so soon after getting off the plane.

"Yup," she answers with a smile. "You promised to take me out right after I land, remember?"

"Of course."

Curse you, future self. Curse you.

"Anywhere special?" She inquires once they're seated back in the car. Javi swallows, flipping through his memory for the calendar note he's seen this morning. Nothing there hinted at anything specific so he should be okay to wing this part.

"There's this really good place that just opened like… last week. We can try it,” he says, backing out of the driveway.

“Sounds good."

She busies herself with checking through her social media while Javi looks straight down the road, hoping that he doesn't have a ridiculously expensive dinner reservation that he doesn’t know of or some sort of _romantic date_ planned out that involves the help of other people. He knows how much of a cheesy motherfucker he can be but he swears to god if he fucks this up somehow just because he's not as extra as his older self, he's going to punch future Javier in the face. Not sure how but he will do it.

It doesn’t take long for Javi to realize that he’s got himself all worked up for nothing. The rest of their time together passes by with surprising ease.

Javi doesn’t doubt that Marina is a good match for himself. There’s something about her that’s so simple and comfortable. Javi isn’t even trying to act too hard around her anymore. It’s in her gestures and the way she shows concern without being overbearing— and Javi knows his behaviour these days are a huge matter of concern. With only this small bit of time spent together, he can already catch the ticks in her expression whenever he mentions something strange or answers a question wrong.

A couple of times Javi’s convinced that he’s blown his own cover, but she just lets it slide, casually asking about his recent schedules as if prodding for the reason why he might be stressed out of his mind.

He reaches out and holds her hand over the table, wishing he has her as a friend rather than anything more. If Javi is to stay in this timeline for the rest of his life, there’s only one way he wants it to unfold.

“Do you want to head back now?” He opens the door for her as they leave.

“Hm,” She checks the time on her phone and shakes her head. “It’s too early, let’s walk around! Leave the car here.” 

Javi shrugs, turning away from the parking lot.

Their route is far from scenic. There are too many people and too little trees but Javi’s always been good at tuning out the noise around him. He has his hands tucked in his pockets and Marina moves to link their arms together.

“Feels weird, walking on the ground again.”

Javi chuckles, “Was it nice on the boat?”

“Eh, different than what I expected.”

“How so?”

“Well, you have to pay for everything for one. So after you realize that, there’s really not much to do on the stupid boat until you dock.”

“Oh god.”

“Yeah, and the wifi is expensive as hell but works like a 1990s router.”

“You _were_ in the middle of the ocean, Marina. What did you expect?”

“Whatever.”

They stop by a cafe after they see a drink they both want to try on the display but the lineup is so absurdly long they end up half regretting the decision after. The drink ends up being good but whether it’s worth the hour long lineup? The jury’s still out on that one.

By the time they drag themselves off of the plush seats of the cafe, it’s already dark outside and Javi’s only fifty percent sure he remembers the way back to his car.

Thankfully, Marina is a responsible person who knows exactly which direction to walk back towards the restaurant. She’s awfully preoccupied with her phone on their way back but Javi doesn’t mention it and they’ve been so silent for a while that Javi jumps when she asks if she can come over for a bit, citing that she misses his mother.

Javi doesn’t see anything wrong with that so he drives them back to his house instead of hers.

It’s strangely dark when they arrive and Javi’s a tiny bit afraid that nobody’s at the house. He checks the time, frowning. It’s pretty late for his parents to be out. Laura’s maybe with her friends but his parents? Doubtful.

He opens the door and peeks in, squinting at the pitch black surroundings.

It’s the quietest their house has been in weeks.

The sound of a balloon popping makes him yell and his head pounds so erratically from the scare that he doesn’t even have room to register his own embarrassment. Lights suddenly switch on until Javi’s able to see the laughing faces of the entire Fernandez clan.

“Oh, you bastards,” he mumbles, grin slowly stretching wide. His eyes turn towards the one uncle laughing the loudest. Javi notices the deflated balloon clutched inside the man’s gigantic hands. “You _bastard_.”

“Happy birthday!” Everyone shouts in chorus.

Javi turns back to Marina, who looks pleased at the turn of events. It’s clear that she’s in on the plan and has possibly been tasked to keep him busy while the rest of them gathered back here for the party.

He’s happy, of course. Quite ecstatic, even. But he’s supposed to be up to skate in a few hours and he really can’t afford to consume so much alcohol and _junk food_. He’s going to be a mess. Maybe he can just stick around for a few hours and then politely excuse himself to the bedroom before midnight. He’s sure most of the people here are going to be too inebriated to notice him gone by that time anyway.

“Guess what our dearest cousin brought,” Laura sing-songs, voice lilting teasingly as if she can hear the exact lies Javi is telling himself inside his mind. She flips the lid off of the large glass container in her hands and out comes a delicious waft of melted cheese, roasted vegetables, fresh _homemade_ chips—

Oh what the hell, he’s had a long fucking day.

“Give me those nachos.”

 

>><<

 

“VAMOS! VAMOS! VAMOS!”

He can’t tell where the obnoxious chanting is coming from but Javi whoops along, raising the drink in his hand as the people around him laugh at their own boisterous antics. Over at the corner, a group of people are egging someone on in downing shots after shots of alcohol. Javi’s glad he isn’t in that position seeing as he obviously lacks the self control to decline. 

Looking down at his glass, he sees that it’s still half full but directing his dazed eyes over to the wall clock lets him know that he needs to stop drinking now if he doesn’t want to fall over and crack his head open later on the ice.

It’s three o’clock in the morning and Javi is the most awake he’s been since… well. Since four years ago.

He cracks up at the thought, almost falling over when he leans back a little too far in his seat.

“Uh.” Laura sits beside him and pats his back when he starts choking on his own laughter. She takes away the cup from his hand and replaces it with a bottle of water. “You probably should have taken a nap hours ago.”

She’s probably right.

“No, I’m fine! I’m feeling great!” He drinks every drop in his water bottle in one go, knowing from experience that this is what helps him most every morning after a party. “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway.”

Laura snorts, “Yeah you’re right. This family gets way too loud with alcohol involved.”

Javi chuckles, “Not just that.” His tongue is loose from the drinks he’s had. “I’m excited.”

His sister stops fiddling with the cups in her hand but lets him finish without interrupting.

“I’m so excited? I’m not even going to see him.” He brings his palms over his eyes, closing them against the, frankly, blinding light coming from the kitchen. “But I get to hear his voice.” Sitting up straight, his hands slide up to curl over his own hair instead. “Like a phone call. But I’m skating. For his show.”

“Javi,” Laura finally cuts in, grabbing his hand to drag him over to the balcony. The door shuts behind them and it muffles the noise from the party.

The air is refreshing outside, cool and absent of humidity. He takes in a deep breath, keeping his eyes closed. “Can I say something very rude?”

He can hear her shuffling around and peeks one eye open to see her making herself comfortable on one of the lounge chairs. “Have at it.”

“I really want to be in Japan right now.”

Laura pauses, looking at him like she’s known his thoughts all along. There’s a subtle tilt to her lips so it looks like she’s amused when viewing the expression with unfamiliar eyes but one of the perks of having a close relationship with his sister is that he knows it’s anything but a smile.

“It’s only too late if you’re dead.”

Javi frowns, caught off guard by the seemingly unrelated response. “What?”

“Happy endings, Javi. You’re still very much alive.”

Her tone implies that he should understand what she’s saying. Like her statements don’t need further elaboration and something flips in his stomach— he’s positive it has something to do with a conversation they might have had before. Some time between now and the years he’s missing.

A conversation he doesn’t and might not ever recall.

 _Shit_.

Javi looks at Laura, eyes wide with hope. Happy endings, he’s talked to her about some kind of ending. Does this mean she knows what future Javier is trying to accomplish here?

Just when he opens his mouth, the door to the balcony opens and Marina peeks her head out, raising an eyebrow at the two siblings occupying the space. Javi imagines they’re looking a little bit too serious considering there’s a birthday party happening just on the other side.

“Are you guys okay?”

Javi nods, rubbing a hand over his forehead. He’s so tired of feeling like this. That drop of dread that catches up to him at unexpected times, like he’s so close to figuring something out only to be pulled back again after realizing he doesn’t know what to do with the information he’s been handed.

“Yup, just sobering up Mr. Olympic Medalist over here,” Laura says, standing up to get back inside as well.

“You’re leaving soon, right?” Marina brushes the curls away from Javi’s forehead and he closes his eyes against the cool touch. Great, _now_ he’s getting all sleepy. Can he even remember the choreography for his skate later? 

“Yeah.” It’s all the response he can manage.

Hopefully he doesn’t mess up too bad in front of Yuzuru and his legion of loving fans.

 

>><<

 

He’s only had about a couple of hours in total to try and drill the season’s short and long programs into his brain in between his hectic schedules, so he sort of mixes them up during the video.

When he gets to the boards, picking up his earbuds, he’s replaying his brief performance in his head and has to try very hard not to collapse on the ice in laughter.

He’s fucked up so bad and Yuzuru isn’t ever going to let him live this down.

Despite his less than stellar skate, the smile stays on his face as they talk. There’s a bit of a lag that starts to irritate him but every ounce of negativity leaves him when Yuzuru leads the audience into singing him a happy birthday. He imagines what it would have been like if he’s there, experiencing all of this in the flesh.

He’s immeasurably fond when Yuzuru shyly thanks him and ends the conversation in the cutest way.

Javi wants to stay longer but he lets it be, keeps his smile, blows a kiss towards the camera, and swallows down the regret.

 

>><<

 

**Yuzuru 15:03**

You are okay?

 

**Javi 15:10**

Yeah why wouldn’t I be?

 

**Yuzuru 15:12**

Not too tired earlier?

Not just wake up and skate right away? ( •́ ∧ •̀ )

 

**Javi 15:20**

Noooo, I’m okay

I’ve been awake for a while before skating

 

**Yuzuru 15:21**

Really?

 

**Javi 15:22**

Yep

Already been awake a good couple of hours actually

 

**Yuzuru 15:23**

What you doing at 3am??

 

**Javi 15:24**

Loooooool

That’s a very good question

Take a wild guess

 

**Yuzuru 15:25**

Ahhh

 

**Javi 15:26**

????

??

?????

 

**Yuzuru 15:30**

あなたはすごくがんこです

 

**Javi 15: 31**

Did you call me stinky

 

**Yuzuru 15:32**

No!!!!

You say you read better Japanese than me

 

**Javi 15:32**

I don’t remember saying that

 

**Yuzuru 15:33**

Do you remember anything ever (｀⌒´ )

 

**Javi: 15:33**

Wow rude

 

**Yuzuru 15:35**

I look up word

Predictable?

Javi so predictable

 

**Javi 15:36**

Hahahah how so?

 

**Yuzuru 15:37**

Watch ice show video

 

**Javi 15:34**

Why?

I will but why?

 

**Yuzuru 15:35**

(∩´∀`)∩

Happy birthday again Javi

I go sleep now

 

**Javi 15:36**

Thank you!

You didn’t answer why

I can’t watch anything until I get home

 

**Javi 15:38**

I don’t get home til way later

Please just tell me

 

**Javi 15:45**

You’re NOT ASLEEP

 

>><<

 

Javi holds onto his phone, stumbling a little when he forgets to step over the slight protrusion on their doorstep. It’s a little after seven in the evening and Javi’s stomach is demanding he feed it _right fucking now_ while his eyes are begging for a good twelve hours of sleep but his attention is glued to his screen, the video stuttering when Javi drags it back to the exact mark he wants for the fourth time in a row.

Yes, he’s openly and unashamedly watching the last day of Yuzuru’s ice show and has been persistently stuck on the part where he and Yuzuru talk. His eyes drink in Yuzuru’s smile, chuckling softly when the birthday song starts up again, and his heart clenches _every single time_ at the cute little giggles, at that madly adorable goodbye.

At the kiss blown at him that he's had no idea of until he sees the video for the first time.

He finally stops interrupting the show, getting to the part where Yuzuru mercilessly roasts his questionable skating, heavily implying that Javi’s been enjoying his birthday celebration a little too much. He snorts, assuming that must’ve been what Yuzuru wants him to see in the video. The funny thing is that it’s not even all that far from the truth.

 

**Javi 19:16**

Quick question

Will everyone be at the club for the next couple of weeks?

Or is everyone going to be flying around to other places for stuff?

 

**Brian 19:18**

Everyone will be here until the ice shows start.

 

**Brian 19:20**

Sorry, ’everyone’ will be here for about a week before going back to Japan.

 

**Javi 19:20**

Hahahahahaha

I’ll come visit before SOI

But don’t tell! I want it to be a surprise

Please make sure everyone is there

 

**Brian 19:21**

Let me know when you’ve arriving.

I’m sure everyone won’t have a problem training a little later than usual.

 

Javi lets out an airy laugh, putting his phone away to drag his exhausted self into the bathroom. He mentally calculates how much work he can do ahead of time so he's able to leave for Canada earlier than scheduled. Realistically, he can only stay in Toronto for two days at most before Stars on Ice practices start up.

And you better bet he knows _exactly_ how he wants to spend those two precious days.

 

>><<

 

Of course his flight gets delayed, because that’s just how life treats him.

He frantically messages Brian once he’s got his signal back, ignoring the fact that he’s now in roaming because his phone plan is no longer Canadian. It’s no matter— he’s a full-fledged adult who can shoulder unplanned rises in phone bills nowadays.

When Brian tells him that, yes, _everyone_ is still at the club, Javi rushes to the car rentals and thinks of the best route to take to the hotel so he can drop his luggage off. He briefly entertains the idea of going to TCC first but scraps it. He doesn’t want to look _too_ desperate, you know.

But then he sees the traffic forming on the road and immediately swerves. He’s not fooling anyone anyway.

He stops by the Starbucks nearby and gets himself some good old black coffee, hesitating only for a second before buying a lemon cake for a certain someone in pure hopeful energy. He’s really rooting for a positive outcome here, renting a car and all.

When he gets to the entrance, he’s greeted by so many unfamiliar faces but he never loses his smile, trying his best to act like his _yes, I’ve been good_ and _how are you? It’s been a while_ are as genuine as they come. He thinks he does pretty well for being such a clueless imposter.

And then he gets to the rink, the cold air fogging up his glasses when he breathes the wrong direction. He removes them to clear his sight, looking around subtly before zoning in on the figure he’s searching for.

In hindsight, Javi should have better prepared himself for this. He knows at the back of his mind how much he truly wants to see Yuzuru in person after being vaulted into the big twenty eighteen but he doesn’t think he’s fully comprehended just how _much_ he really _needs_ to see him.

When he first sees Yuzuru— _this_ Yuzuru—he’s so stunned he almost drops his coffee over his own head when both of his hands inadvertently fly up to clutch at his hair. Luckily, he remembers to put the scalding hot drink down before allowing himself to continue on flailing.

Javi rubs a hand over his chest, he can hear the pounding of it in his ears and he’s slightly worried that rash decisions paired with a too large cup of coffee are the things that’ll finally end him.

On one hand, Javi’s very aware of his soft, tender, cheesy feelings towards his younger rink mate and his heart pounds even louder seeing him smile after landing a smooth single loop. The way Yuzuru’s eyes disappear into little crescents when he laughs is the same as _his_ Yuzuru, back in his own time, and Javi is so incredibly taken.

But on the other hand, Javi has always been a leg man, his eyes can’t help but look in that direction whenever he’s even mildly physically attracted to someone, and this Yuzuru?

_Sweet Jesus._

The subject of his attention turns to meet Javi’s eyes just as he finally looks away from those gorgeous long legs and Javi almost flinches.

This is going to get real embarrassing real quick.

“Javi!”

Yuzuru is skating fast over to the edge and Javi walks closer, trying to maintain his cool as he leaves his coffee on the floor. It can use some time to cool anyway.

The loud proclamation of his name attracts the attention of the entire coaching team as well as the other skaters, but Javi can’t peel his eyes off of Yuzuru’s blinding smile.

“Javi,” Yuzuru whispers again once they’ve got their arms wrapped around each other, sounding breathless and _so happy to see him_. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since future Javier and this Yuzuru have seen each other but Javi’s ears ring in pleasure at the kind of attention he’s receiving at the moment. “You are here! Why not saying anything on message?”

“Ah,” he says, dragging it out. “Surprise! Does this mean you missed me?” He murmurs against the younger boy’s hair.

“Mmm, I don’t miss you.”

Still a brat.

Yuzuru starts to untangle his arms but Javi isn’t ready to let go yet so he tightens his hold on the other’s waist and lifts him clear off the ice, spinning them around so that Yuzuru’s blades would touch hard ground if Javi releases him.

“No!” The protest is followed by the same exact laughter Javi loves and he grins, shaking his head as Yuzuru lightly punches him on the shoulder. “Put back on ice. Might drop me,” Yuzuru says, narrowing his eyes playfully.

Javi doesn’t mention that Yuzuru is so much lighter than he expects him to be, mindful that his most recent injury might still be a sore topic. “Have I ever dropped you?” Technically, he doesn’t know the correct answer to this but he’s certain that not a single version of himself would ever drop their Yuzuru. “Say you miss me first.”

“Can be first time.” Yuzuru wiggles around and doesn’t say anything more but then he screeches and throws his arms tightly over Javi’s shoulder when the latter pretends to drop him. His legs are bent upwards, locked together at the ankles as if taking extra measure to protect his shiny new black blades from hitting the ground. “Okay, I miss Javi! So much! Put down now, please.”

Javi cackles. It’s said under duress but he preens all the same.

“Alright, that’s enough.” Tracy walks over to them, shaking her head but with a smile settled over her lips. She’s holding Yuzuru’s skate guards in one hand. 

Yuzuru takes them quickly with a mumbled thanks and Javi begrudgingly puts him down, hands lingering on his hips as if he’s helping Yuzuru keep his balance while putting on the guards.

He’s fully aware that the boy doesn’t need the extra support and a pleasant tingle runs through him when Yuzuru doesn’t brush his hands off either.

Javi eventually lets go of Yuzuru to give Tracy a long, warm hug.

“I missed you,” he whines like a child, clinging onto her exaggeratedly. It gets him a round of laughter and only then does he notice that someone else has joined their little trio at the corner.

A tall Korean teenager toddles closer to him. He might not really know the kid but he’s done enough of his homework back in Spain to recognize him as Junhwan Cha, a boy who joined the club three years back. He gives Junhwan a shorter but no less warm greeting.

And then Tracy pulls him over to where Brian is, asking about his time in Spain all the while. With no time to speak to Yuzuru some more, Javi looks back to where the boy stands chatting with Junhwan, hoping the little smile that Yuzuru throws back at him means he understands _not_ to leave until Javi gets back to him again.

“Here he is.” Brian smiles widely, opening his arms when Javi gets close enough. He jogs towards his coach and playfully tackles him into a hug.

“So? How’ve you all been coping without me?” Javi says jokingly, laughing at Brian’s exasperated expression.

“The kids won’t stop asking when you’re coming back,” Brian says, shrugging. “Like this doesn’t happen every off season or something.”

Javi laughs, a warm feeling blooming in his chest at the thought of how much he means to the people around here. They’re dancing around the fact that Javi is very close to retiring at this point which is likely why everyone’s extra sensitive to his absence. Javi isn't going to be the one to remind Brian of this fact.

He doesn’t even want to remind _himself_ of this fact.

Javi means to crack a joke, not wanting his thoughts to go down that road, but he’s interrupted by a familiar yelp coming from near the entrance. He knows he can’t be mistaken seeing as he’s _just_ been the one to cause that exact same sound mere minutes ago.

He turns his head and pauses at the sight, blinking rapidly as his brain attempts to process the scene.

Some guy is actually standing there, _inside the rink_ , with his hands on _Yuzuru_. Not _just_ laying his hands on him, no, this boy straight up has his arms around that waist and has Yuzuru held up in the air much like Javi has done earlier.

Who in the _fuck_ —

His eyes turn to Junhwan, who’s own eyes are now slightly wider than normal as he frantically shakes his head at the stranger.

Javi walks over, distractedly telling Brian he’ll be right back. He thinks he hears a skeptical _uh huh_ but he lets it slide, too busy trying to contort his face into a neutral expression.

Now that he’s a good distance away, Javi can see that the guy looks to be around Yuzuru’s age, tall with dark curls and light green eyes. He sees Yuzuru tapping at the guy’s hands but he’s still too far to properly hear what they’re saying. The guy backs up, slowly taking his hands off as he laughs and grabs something out of his pocket.

Javi sees the rest happen in slow motion.

Mr. tall, dark and handsome stumbles a little in his steps and knocks down the coffee that Javi has left on the ground earlier, spilling dark liquid all over the floor. They all jump back in surprise and the guy drops the strawberry twizzler in his hand— Javi knows _exactly_ what it is because _he’s_ the one who’s been stocking up that specific brand of candy in their little ‘break room’ since joining TCC. Yuzuru says they’re disgusting but Javi has his own opinions on Yuzuru’s food choices.

Javi stands there, flabbergasted. He _cannot_ believe another European is really moving into his territory, stealing his snacks, burning his blankets, and stomping all over his coffee cups.

He’s not even retired yet.

“Shit!” The guy seems to remember himself and ducks back into the break room for some paper towels. Some of the staff are already there, beginning to clean up the mess before it spreads further. They shoo Yuzuru and Javi away when they try to help and Junhwan stands there flapping his hands until Brian calls him back over to continue training.

“Uh,” Javi butts in before any other mishap occurs. “So… who was?” He gestures vaguely in the direction of the people hectically cleaning around the small area, feeling a little guilty at the mess, however minor it is. If he hadn’t left his coffee there so carelessly, the situation could have been avoided.

“Eduardo,” Yuzuru answers, sitting down on the nearest bench. “Little sister skates, he is new life guard here.”

Right. The club hires life guards in April. Future Javier must not know him either since Yuzuru doesn’t react to the questioning.

Eduardo joins them not too long later, looking flustered from the mini chaos. “Sorry about that.” His accent is very light but undeniably Italian. “Hey, man.” He notices Javi standing there and offers a hand, introducing himself. “Javier Fernandez, right?”

“Yeah.” Javi smiles, trying not to let his first impression of the guy dampen the mood. “What gave it away?”

The other laughs, “You’re a legend over here! Everyone won’t stop talking about you.” His gaze locks onto Yuzuru, and _fuck_ Javi recognizes that soft look. “Yuzu talks about you.”

Javi is vibrating from how much he dislikes what’s happening here.

“Eddy!” A little girl runs up to them, dragging her skating bag behind her. “Hi Yuzu!” She says happily and Javi’s eyebrows raise when Yuzuru greets her back by name. Yuzuru has always been nice to everyone but he doesn’t necessarily go out of his way to remember the other skaters’ names, especially ones who don’t directly train with him. "I’m ready to go—” She cuts off when she lifts her head and sees Javi.

The glitter of admiration in her big, hazel eyes is undeniable.

The little girl gasps and then manages to squeal out how much she _loves_ Javi’s skating and if he can _please take a picture with me, please please please?_

And who is Javi to say no to that? 

While the girl is fumbling with her phone, Javi crouches down and makes small talk. She’s so cute and excitable about everything that Javi almost misses the conversation happening right beside them. Almost.

“Do you want a ride home?” Eduardo asks.

Bold of him to assume Yuzuru’s going straight home.

Okay it’s Yuzuru so maybe that’s not so bold. 

“No thank you.” Yuzuru turns down the offer kindly. Javi sneaks a glance at Eduardo and the expression on his face suggests that it isn’t the first time Yuzuru does so.

Javi takes a photo with the much more adorable sibling and she thanks him profusely before making a mad dash towards the exit, skating gear behind her forgotten.

“Lulu, hey! Wait!” Eduardo is forced to chase after his sister, picking up the bag she’s accidentally left without. Javi’s just glad the guy doesn’t have any excuse to linger.

“Are you done training?” He slumps down on the spot beside Yuzuru.

“I think so.” Yuzuru pockets his phone and picks up the gloves he’s placed on the bench. “Brian keep me here longer today, I’m not understanding until now.” He smirks over at Javi, hitting his forehead lightly with the fingertips of the gloves. “I like Javi visit.”

Javi grins at that, circling those slim wrists with his hands to bring them back down. He remembers the treat in his car. Remembers the limited days he has in Toronto. Remembers that Yuzuru doesn’t ever go out with anyone. Remembers that he’s got everything to risk but nothing to really lose.

“You wanna go out with me?” A heartbeat passes. Yuzuru’s hand twitches in his hold. That might have come out wrong. “Today. Come with me to get coffee? I don’t wanna go alone,” he rephrases, furrowing his brows a little and staring straight into Yuzuru’s eyes. It’s off season and Yuzuru is literally _not allowed_ to overdo his training, there’s no reason for him to say no right?

Yuzuru looks at him, expression slipping into something strange. But it’s a quick moment, gone the next second before Javi can even begin to scrutinize it.

“Um, okay.”

That was the best _um, okay_ he’s ever heard.

“Okay?” Javi can’t believe that worked. Maybe he’s in an alternate universe after all, where the Yuzuru is less of a hermit than his Yuzuru.

“Okay, I go with lonely old man to get coffee. I take shower now.”

“The lonely old man will wait right here.”

Yuzuru laughs, shaking their hands apart.

Javi giddily gets up from the bench and stands beside Brian, trying his best not to be a nuisance even though he can’t seem to get rid of the smile on his face. If Nam is still there, he’d probably tell Javi to stop looking so goddamn annoying. 

Yuzuru doesn’t take long to get ready. He never does. And his hair is still damp from the shower when he emerges from the locker room. He’s looking down at his phone, skating bag in the other hand.

Javi takes this opportunity to really look at him then.

Even without the added height of his skates, Yuzuru’s legs are still endless, black sweatpants doing nothing to hide the strength in them. Javi rips his gaze away from them and smiles at the careless mess that makes up Yuzuru’s hair. It’s getting long. He really wants to run his fingers through them.

He starts walking closer, slowly, as to not reveal his approach right away.

Yuzuru’s shoulders are wider than Javi remembers. His arms are still very lean, hidden beneath the fitted long sleeved shirt he’s wearing but Javi’s seen the definition in them earlier. Four years really is a long time.

His eyes drop down to that ridiculous waist, tiny as ever. It seems to be the only part of Yuzuru that hasn’t changed overtime and _please god_ if this is the future waiting for him, he’d really like to get back to his own time and experience the entire thing in _full_.

Javi steps close, tugging at a strand of Yuzuru’s hair like the five year old he is. “Ready to go?”

Yuzuru nods, lips curling into that sweet smile Javi’s been craving to see again. He can’t help the swoop in his stomach, his own eager grin tapering off into something soft. He catches a glimpse of his own reflection when Yuzuru steps away from the door and shakes his head at the awestruck fool he sees through the glass.

“Javi?” Yuzuru calls out from outside.

“Yeah?”

“We walking?” The boy gives a stink eye towards the bag he’s carrying, making Javi laugh. The older man walks over and grabs the bag from him. “No, I carry it!”

“I have a car, it’s okay.” He brandishes the set of keys from his pocket and unlocks the door to his rental. There’s plenty of room in the back seat once Javi shoves his haphazardly thrown belongings in one corner. He gently places Yuzuru’s bag on one side, knowing how careful the boy is with his own things.

When he straightens up again, he’s pleased to see Yuzuru’s already settled himself in the passenger seat.

Then he remembers the cake he’s bought earlier and panics a little.

He scurries inside, darting glances at the boy beside him but Yuzuru is busy with his phone. The lemon cake sitting in the middle compartment remains unnoticed.

An idea comes to him.

Javi huffs a quiet laugh as he turns, staring at Yuzuru for a good couple of seconds. Yuzuru doesn’t pay him any mind. So Javi shrugs, leaning dangerously close, propping one hand on the small space beside Yuzuru’s head while his other one hovers, waiting.

He’s got Yuzuru’s attention now.

But the other boy doesn’t make a sound. Dark brown eyes stare at Javi in question, appearing understandably scandalized on top of it. Both of his hands are folded over the phone on his lap, frozen in place. Javi only barely holds back from laughing.

His hovering hand moves to where the seatbelt is, pulling it over Yuzuru’s body to buckle him in.

“Safety first!” He says cheerfully.

Yuzuru blinks, looking down at the seatbelt and then back up at Javi. “Go away,” he whines, hands lifting to shove Javi’s face away from his personal space. “I do it myself!”

Javi chuckles through the thin fingers pushing at him and obediently goes back to his seat. “What? I was being nice. Didn’t want to separate you from your beloved phone.”

“I’m almost done the email.” Yuzuru’s got both hands over his own cheeks, turned away from Javi but it’s no use. Javi’s already got the precious sight of a flustered Yuzuru chiseled in his brain.

“Uh huh. You utter millennial.”

“ _You utter millennial,_ ” Yuzuru mimics in a mocking tone and that’s it. Javi cracks up.

When his laughter dies down, he looks over to see Yuzuru holding onto his phone again. He’s got a cute little grin on his face and a dusting of red on his cheeks. Javi wants to reach out and trace the warmth with his fingertips.

There’s really no denying it. Past, present, future— Javi is still well and truly captivated.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The next chapter will be up in a week or two" oof, I overestimated myself 
> 
> HI PEEPS, it hasn't been 2 months though so that's something??  
> Hahah... anyway lemme know what you think! Hopefully I'll see you next chapter!!


	5. Enouement

What Yuzuru actually means by going with him to get coffee is that he’s going to whine and complain about _not_ wanting to have coffee until Javi relents, and does whatever Yuzuru wants instead.

This is what he signed up for, falling for someone aggravating to the very core.

That’s how he finds himself sitting in a cozy booth at the corner of Cacao 70, staring at the green goo Yuzuru is happily dipping his pineapple in.

“It good,” Yuzuru says around a mouthful, cheeks stuffed like a hungry chipmunk. Javi gives him a look full of mistrust. It isn’t the first time Yuzuru’s gotten him to try something awful using that cute face of his. “Just try.”

Javi cups his mug of hot chocolate, pulling it close to himself just in case he needs to wash the taste out right after.

He picks up an apple and gingerly plops it in their 'matcha fondue', trying not to wince when he accidentally gets more of it than initially intended. Eyes squeezed shut, he quickly puts the fruit in his mouth. The sound of Yuzuru’s laughter is perfectly audible, but who can blame Javi? He’s pretty sure this thing is the perfect shade of ‘barf green’ and nobody in their right mind would want to put it anywhere near their mouth. His dramatics are valid.

The demon’s goo is warm and sweet on his tongue. It isn’t like anything Javi’s had before but it compliments the taste of the apple in a strange, annoying way. Annoying mostly because Yuzuru looks very smug now that Javi’s opened his eyes and is on his way to grabbing his second and third bites in quick succession.

God, he hates being wrong, but this is one delicious mistake he’s willing to swallow his pride for.

“What the fuck, this is so good,” Javi murmurs, dipping his waffle in as well because why the hell not.

“See, I tell you.” Yuzuru slaps his hand when Javi makes to grab for the untouched waffle on his plate. “Javi needs listen more.”

“No, Javi needs more waffles, can I have a piece?”

“Javi need eat slow.”

“Javi just discovered the goop of the gods and it’s all your fault so please, can I have a waffle?”

Yuzuru cackles, finally showing some mercy and tearing off a quarter of his waffle to feed Javi’s new obsession. Silence overtakes them as they stuff their mouths with too much sugar than they should have. Javi hadn’t stopped Yuzuru earlier even after noticing that the boy had pointed at way too many things on the menu while the waiter had been taking their order. Javi hasn’t heard of this place before so he figured Yuzuru would know better.

Turns out Yuzuru _should_ know better about the appropriate food intake for professional athletes but it seems like he doesn’t give much of a fuck. Javi had never been successful in persuading Yuzuru to go out with him all those years ago, he’s only seen him eat healthy lunches with minimal amounts of snacking throughout the day so everything is a little bit of a revelation for him right now. 

He takes a huge scoop of the melted matcha using a particularly large piece of cantaloupe and brings it to his mouth with the finesse of a bumbling toddler. Yuzuru laughs as it drips down Javi’s chin but the latter’s too busy trying not to let anything stain his shirt to defend himself.

“Thank you,” Javi mumbles, mouth still full as he takes the napkins Yuzuru slides towards him. He knows how unattractive he looks right now but it’s worth it to see the adorable way Yuzuru wrinkles his nose in disgust.  

“So gross.” Yuzuru watches him attempt to look presentable again. His hands tap against the top of the table, restless like he wants to reach over and help end Javi’s gooey misery already. Javi’s sort of hoping he does. “I hope you not like this on dates.”

 _Would you like to find out?_ Javi chokes a little, barely stopping himself from blurting that out. He covers the sound by clearing his throat. Honestly, Yuzuru just walked into that one and Javi deserves a pat on the back for not exploiting the opportunity.

“Oh please, first dates with me are so good,” he says after finally getting his shit together. “The absolute best.” He’s pretty sure talking about dating other people with the person he _wants_ to date is some kind of bad hoodoo. But, well, he can’t do anything about it now.

“Mhm.” Yuzuru looks skeptical. “Best first kiss too.” The younger man can’t take it anymore and finally snatches a napkin from their haphazard pile, softly wiping at the corner of Javi’s mouth. “With green lips.”

Javi grins, taking the napkin into his own hand. He brushes their hands together during the exchange— unnecessary and the furthest thing from accidental. “I mean, it’d probably be better than my actual first kiss anyway.”

“Really?” Yuzuru pops another pineapple in his mouth. “What happen?”

“Eh… I was pretty young, it was during a camping trip at the start of middle school.” He tries not to cringe as the memories come flooding back, he doesn’t know why he’s even brought up the incident. His penchant for digging his own grave is getting out of control, really. “We weren’t very sure what we were doing but uh, we just went for it and.” Placing his fork down on the plate, Javi frees his hands to gesture while talks. “We might’ve knocked our heads together? A little?”

“A little?”

“Yeah, and then her tooth fell out.”

Yuzuru coughs on a sip of his hot chocolate, sputtering, “What? I thought only little bump?”

“It was! But I didn’t know she still hadn’t lost her last baby tooth, and it was _that_ loose I guess.”

“Oh my god, Javi.” Yuzuru pounds on his own chest with a fist, wheezing a little as he recovers from accidentally inhaling his drink. “You are so bad.”

“Okay, it was terrible but it was an _accident_.” 

“You knock girl’s teeth out with kiss!”

He did. He really did and he doesn’t have anything to say to that so he deflects.

“And what about you?” Javi throws the question back defensively. “Was _your_ first kiss so perfect?”

There’s a pause then, when Yuzuru stops his sniggering and just stares at Javi with wide, startled eyes. He looks to the side, expression morphing into something Javi can’t pinpoint, before looking back at Javi again.

And then he starts _laughing_.

Full on, breathless, tears in his eyes, honking laughter.

Javi would laugh too, at the sight alone, if he isn’t so bewildered by the reaction.

“What?” He asks, smile remaining small in his confusion. “What did I say?” 

Yuzuru peers at him, one hand up over his right eye to wipe off the tears but that one look sends him straight into another fit of giggles. His eyes are scrunched close, so tight that lines appear beside them, and his head is tilted up to lean back against the seat cushion.

Javi decides to wait it out, chuckling a little to himself as Yuzuru starts to wind down.

Yuzuru sniffs, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes and drinking some water.

“Care to share with the class now?”

But Javi only gets a shake of the head and he feels a little cheated. Yuzuru can’t just _laugh in his face_ and not let him in on the joke. He pouts, trying to pull his best forlorn puppy face.

“Don’t think about it.” Yuzuru laughs some more at seeing his expression, disappointingly unaffected. He reaches over to poke Javi on the forehead. “It inside joke.”

“You know, I actually have to understand the joke to make it an inside joke, right?”

“Not with you. Inside joke with me.”

“You have an inside joke with yourself?”

“Yes.”

Truly a strange one, Yuzuru is. Javi’s morbidly curious, but Yuzuru gets a phone call—an important one judging from the look on his face—and Javi doesn’t get a chance to prod him on the topic.

The phone call takes a little too long and Yuzuru eventually excuses himself to go someplace quieter, probably thinking he’s being rude talking on the phone with Javi still in front of him, especially when the conversation is in Japanese. Javi just shrugs it off, busying himself with their food.

When Yuzuru gets back, there’s barely any food left on the table. His face is the picture of betrayal, and Javi has to beg for forgiveness, swearing to take the other boy somewhere else after, all the while trying to contain his laughter. He doesn’t know if Yuzuru’s purposely acting extra bratty about it or if he’s truly _that_ upset over the amount of food left over but Javi isn’t going to risk laughing at him.

“I said sorry already, come on.” They’re back in Javi’s car, with Yuzuru’s lips still set in a determined pout. Javi looks over, tries poking the puffed up cheeks, flicks at the hair falling over his eyes, but none of his usual distractions work. “Yuzu…”

His eyes drop down, absently searching for something to appease his sulking friend. The innocent little lemon cake he’s been neglecting all this time beams back at him in all its soft, fluffy glory.

Javi clears his throat, fiddling with the clear plastic covering the cake before removing it fully from the paper bag. He holds it in his palm and lifts his arm, placing it suspended between the two of them.

Yuzuru turns his head, momentarily giving up the act to give Javi a quizzical look.

“I saw it when I was getting coffee earlier,” he says, letting his hand drift closer to the other. “And I thought of you. You like this flavour best, right?”

He hears a sigh, followed by a murmur of indecipherable words. Javi looks at Yuzuru just in time to catch him frowning at his own reflection on the window, pout no longer gracing his features. Javi lets himself smile and says, in a tone as pitiful as he can manage, “Peace offering?”

“So annoying,” mumbles Yuzuru. Javi’s smile widens when the other boy grabs the cake out of his hands. Begrudgingly. Like he’s the one doing Javi a favour. Javi snorts, thoroughly amused by his antics. “Be quiet.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Your face say it.”

“I can’t do anything about my face, Yuzu. Now where to?”

“McDonald’s.” 

Javi’s convinced Yuzuru’s trying to kill him, this very day, through an influx of bad calorie intake alone.

 

>><<

 

_Well, you know, I find that most people really get to experience life in their mid twenties._

_How so?_

_Everything in general. Starting work, furthering studies, getting enough money for travelling..._

_Love?_

_Yes! It's when people meet someone new—_

Javi finds the remote and switches the television off. He usually enjoys the mindless chatter of these mid-afternoon talk shows as background noise in the break room. But not right now. Rachel Ray can fuck right off with that meeting someone new bullshit.

He tears off a corner from his sandwich, shoving the plain piece of bread in his mouth aggressively.

Eduardo's back at the rink, earlier than last time, and it boggles his mind that nobody pays a passing glance at him. The boy is hardly dressed for the cool temperature, strutting around in his knee length water shorts and worn down flip flops. He's got a light TCC staff jacket over his shirt but Javi doubts that helps much.

He removes the soggy tomato from his sandwich and plops it into the garbage bin. Javi's sat on the couch in the break room, perfectly across from a floor to ceiling glass window that separates him from the rest of the rink. He's got a pretty good view of everything that's happening on the side of the rink closest to the entrance and the longer he watches, the more riled up he gets.

"Ooh, is that from Panera?" One of the staff members, Ariana, startles him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, you want a cookie?" He might’ve gotten a little too enthusiastic while ordering some pastries. "There's... ah... Idon’t know exactly but there are lots to choose from."

Ariana laughs, coming over to inspect the goods. Javi's eyes return to the window where he can see Yuzuru unlacing his boots.

"Okay, I'm taking this one if you're sure..."

"Yeah." He doesn't even look at which one she's holding. "Hey, does he come here everyday?"

"Who?"

"The lifeguard.”

“Oh, Eddy, yeah, he has early shifts at the pool so he waits for his sister whenever she has ice time.”

“And when she doesn’t?”

“He hangs out anyway. Super friendly with the skaters… I think he and Yuzuru are like, pretty close?”

His sandwich dies an untimely death under the weight of his fist. He wants to keep asking, _how close exactly?_ But he doubts Ariana knows the details. So he stews in irritation, watching the two boys laugh and chatter by the water fountain as if they’ve somehow become the best of friends during the very same month they’ve met.

The worst part is that there’s no valid reason for him to go over and interrupt them. To an outsider’s point of view, Eduardo and Yuzuru are merely good friends passing the time as Yuzuru cools down after practice. But Javi knows infatuation when he sees it, so well versed from catching it on his own face during times when his guard is down, and nobody can convince him that Eduardo’s actions are laced only with friendly intentions.

What’s worrying in this scenario is that Javi can’t get a proper read on Yuzuru. The boy isn’t so oblivious as to not notice what Eduardo’s doing. He knows, without a doubt. Yet his thoughts on the situation remain a mystery to Javi.

“When are you leaving for Halifax?”

Distracted as he is, it takes him a moment to answer, “Tomorrow.”

“Aw, so you won’t see us again until November?”

Damn, she’s right. That’s a whole six months.

“We have a show in Toronto, you guys can come see me instead,” he says, cheeky grin on display. She laughs, rolling her eyes before dragging herself away from the cookies and back to work. Javi leaves the untouched ones on the table, figuring someone will stumble into the room later and eat them anyway. He throws his poor excuse of a sandwich out and follows Ariana back to the rink.

“If you’re sure…” He catches the tail end of Eduardo’s words as he approaches, smiling blankly at the pair. The lifeguard nods at him when he reaches them, arms crossed against the chill. The guy’s really going to give himself pneumonia one of these days, hanging around here all the time.

“Javi,” Yuzuru says in greeting, waving a little as if he hadn’t already seen Javi enter the rink mid-practice earlier. Javi’s smile turns genuine.

“Tell me you’re not busy after this,” he huffs out, clammy hands hidden inside his pockets.

“Hmm.” Yuzuru looks up at the ceiling and Javi relaxes as he recognizes that playful look.

But Eduardo interjects with a confused, “Don’t you have plans with your mom later?”

“Uh.” Yuzuru’s face doesn’t give anything away, but Javi has a feeling he’s just been caught in a lie.

“Ah, come on. Tell Yumi I’m only here until today, please?” Oh yes, he’s not above using his impending absence to try and keep Yuzuru to himself. “I’ll get you home before curfew,” he adds teasingly.

“Wouldn’t she be very disappointed?” Eduardo butts in, head angled to the side, coldness seemingly forgotten as he uncrosses his arms and steps forward, closer to Yuzuru.

Javi steps forward too, not liking the passive aggressive tone. “I’m sure she’ll understand once Yuzu explains. Yumi really likes me.” He puts emphasis on the last part, smile tight as he meets Eduardo’s gaze head on.

Yuzuru backs up, starting to look alarmed.

“Um—” he tries to speak again but his quiet voice is drowned out by the other two.

Javi doesn’t really listen to Eduardo’s words as they exchange back and forth, his main goal here is to agitate the ever living fuck out of this guy for thinking that he has any right to be angry that Yuzuru is, for lack of a better word, _choosing_ Javi, his training mate of _six years_ , over him. Javi’s gone for six long months after this and the guy can’t even let them be for _one_ day? Exactly who does he think he is?

A loud buzzing sound eventually shuts them up and they both turn to look at the phone in Yuzuru’s hands, clutched close to his chest, as it continues to vibrate.

“Mom is calling,” Yuzuru says quickly, barely looking at either of them before dashing towards the locker room.

Javi blinks, suddenly out of words. Eduardo is also silent beside him and when Javi sneaks a glance, the guy’s eyes are wide and his mouth is slightly open, like he isn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

“Shit,” he mutters quietly, rubbing a hand over his face. Nothing like Yuzuru’s mother calling in herself to put the fear of god in the both of them.

His eyes survey the rink cautiously and feels relief wash over him after confirming that nobody’s been paying attention to their little spat. Javi can only imagine how disappointed Tracy would be and how Brian’s face would pinch into that of disapproval. It’s almost as bad as his _actual_ parents and Javi doesn’t want any of that right now.

When Yuzuru gets out of the locker room, he no longer looks like a startled little puppy. No, he looks like he’s headed for the World Championships and Javi and Eduardo are his prime competition. In layman’s terms: he looks terrifying as hell. That doesn’t bode well for either Javi or Eduardo.

“Javi, I meet you outside.”

“Okay.” Javi doesn’t argue with that, speeding away feeling like he’s narrowly escaped being called to the principal’s office. He _does_ feels a little sorry for Eduardo, having to deal with this Yuzuru alone. Just a little, though. Not enough to do anything about it. 

“Yuzu, I’m so sorry—”

He gets too far before he can hear the rest of Eduardo’s grovelling. When Javi looks back, the two have moved to a more secluded corner and he can barely see them but Yuzuru’s head is tilted up, glare defiant as his mouth forms words Javi can’t make out. 

To be quite honest, he’s just glad _he’s_ not the one getting all that tongue lashing.

Yuzuru strolls up to him after, and Javi straightens up against the hood of the car. Yuzuru doesn’t look as livid as he’d initially been but there’s still a furrow in between his brows that Javi reaches out to brush over.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have argued.”

“Is okay.” Yuzuru puts his skating gear in the backseat. “Not your fault. It my excuse and he react bad. I just… it isn’t… ugh, so _stupid_.” The boy scowls, stomping his feet a little. Sometimes, Javi wishes he’s fluent in Japanese, if only so Yuzuru can speak to him like this, all the time, without the difficulty of missing English words.

Javi brings it up at a red light.

They’d been talking about some anime show, a harmless and unrelated topic, really, so Javi isn’t sure where he’d gotten the sudden urge from. It’s the silence after Yuzuru’s last comment on his favourite character that pushes Javi to forge on and speak his mind.

“He likes you.”

Elaboration is unnecessary, he knows Yuzuru is smart enough to figure this out on his own; the topic’s been kind of hanging between them anyway. Not quite the giant pink elephant in the room, but still a visible force. So maybe a baby, normal coloured elephant?

But voicing it out is like scratching an invisible itch— satisfying only for two seconds, with the aftermath teetering the line of unbearable.

“Yes,” Yuzuru answers, casual, without missing a beat. He tries to sneak a look at him but Yuzuru’s face is impassive, half hidden with the way he’s facing out to the side.

“Uh, do you… I mean, are you… ah…” Javi clears his throat. “Do you? Feel the same?”

The answer doesn’t come right away and Javi is man enough to admit that it scares the living shit out of him. His hands on the steering wheel tighten their hold, eyes locked unseeingly forward. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked after all.

“No,” Yuzuru mutters, just when Javi’s about to lose his mind. Yuzuru’s got his elbow resting over the open window, hand slightly covering his mouth but Javi’s been waiting for that response, listening so closely, that even the barely audible word rings loud and clear to soothe his anxious heart. “Javi.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s green.”

Only then does Javi notice that the lights playing at the other boy’s pale skin are, indeed, no longer red.

“Right.” He’s glad the streets are miraculously empty at this time of the day.

 

>><<

 

**Marina 18:47**

So what u up to over there?

 

**Javi 18:50**

Eating fast food garbage apparently

 

**Marina 18:51**

LOL by yourself??

 

**Javi 18:55**

No, with a really bad influence

 

**Marina 18:56**

Come back and I’ll take u to a vegan place

Cleanse that garbage out

 

**Javi 19:01**

Hahaha I don’t think I can handle that

 

**Marina 19:02**

Hurry back anyway

I miss u :(

 

**Javi 19:05**

It’ll pass quickly, I swear

I’ll see you soon :)

 

>><<

 

Stars on Ice is a good distraction. Javi enjoys himself travelling with his group of goofballs and skating without pressure. It’s a nice break from the nonstop work he’d had to endure back in Spain. And a break from the ongoing turmoil he’s been struggling with since waking to a new life.

But he skates to Prometo and feels it, deep in his bones, unable to fully forget. 

He keeps going, unwilling to let himself rest, keeping his mind occupied with everything and anything he can get his hands on. He skips out on the chance to return back home, choosing instead to head straight to the East for the Japanese leg of his summer ice shows.

He’s just gotten back to his hotel room after emptying his wallet eating sushi with Scott when he realizes that his phone is dead. Most likely has been dead for a while now.

With a big, woeful sigh, he digs out his charger and lets it sit for a while, dragging himself off to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He only checks his notifications once he’s settled on the mattress, back against the headboard and eyes drooping lower by the second. He’s slumped awkwardly close to the edge of the bed and there’s a pillow corner digging uncomfortably into his lower back but he doesn’t have it in him to care. It’s a miracle he had enough energy to even get out of his room today. Maybe if it wasn’t for Scott’s manipulative begging for some ‘authentic cuisine experience’, Javi wouldn’t be feeling like a man on the verge of keeling over right now.

It’s hasn’t even hit ten o’clock yet. God help his old and weary soul.

Half drunk from lack of sleep, he keeps scrolling through the notifications while his mind generously fills his head with funky elevator music to the beat of imaginary little Javis pacing anxiously around his exhausted brain. He’s not sure why they’re so anxious until he sees the three missed Skype calls he has spread out during the last hour— two from his mother and one from Laura.

Right. He’d promised last night that he would call them today. Damn it. At least his subconscious has the decency to feel bad about it.

But before he can hit the call button himself, his phone comes alive with another call, a _video call_ , this time with a name that makes him inhale too much air and promptly choke on it.

_Marina_

What a hysterical sense of deja vu.

Don’t get him wrong, he’s not avoiding her. In fact, they text plenty. Javi makes sure to respond whenever he has enough spare time to check his phone. It’s not like it’s a chore for him, he does enjoy getting updates from home. But there’s something about phone calls and video messages that makes anxiety crawl up his throat, the thought of speaking in real time, watching his every word to make sure he doesn’t fuck up, his face being visible and up for _scrutiny_ while he bullshits his way through with white lies?

It’s a horrible feeling.

The little Javis inside his head now march faster, stomping their feet around his ears while banging pots and pans in foul harmony. _Talk to her_ , they chant, _stop being a dick, you insipid sasquatch_.

Kindness has always been equal parts his strongest point and biggest weakness.

Javi answers the call, pasting a smile on his face despite the pounding in his head. He can be called a lot of things but he most definitely is _not_ a dick, thank you very much.

“Hi,” he says, scrubbing a hand over his face to keep awake. There’s no immediate response, and the camera shows him a blur of movement like Marina’s phone is being passed around before finally settling on the stimulating view of a dying cactus plant. Laura’s dying cactus plant to be exact.

Javi squints, wondering if he’s finally gone over to the deep end and is, in fact, hallucinating Skype calls with the wrong people.

“So you answer calls from your girlfriend but not from family, huh?” Laura comes into view, turning the phone away from the plant. Her and Marina are seated on the couch together while the television plays some afternoon telenovela in the background. “I see how it is.”

“I was eating, let me live,” he retorts, grinning at her grumpy expression. “And my phone died on the way home, I’m sorry.”

“Fine whatever, so how’s the prodigal son doing?”

Javi groans, “Shut up Laura, I don’t wanna talk to you, where’s mom? I’ll talk to her.” He hears Marina laughing in the background though he can’t see anything clearly as Laura keeps moving around.

“She’s taking a nap cause you took too long, dumbass.”

“Where’s dad?” Javi brings his phone closer. “Dad?!” He screams into the microphone, hoping his voice carries over loud enough for maximum effect.

It works. Laura looks murderous when he holds the phone back at a normal distance.

“You scream into my face again, I’ll fly over there just to punch you in the face.”

“You’re not that rich.”

“Don’t test me, _little brother_.”

“Ooh _scary_.”

“Okay, children, don’t fight now.” Marina takes her phone back, chuckling when Laura huffs. “I’m supposed to be the youngest one here, remember?”

“Javi’s a toddler in a man’s body.”

“Laura never actually left her angsty teenager phase.”

“Don’t start again!” Marina admonishes, giving Javi a look but the call lags at the same time and it makes Javi laugh instead.

He looks out the hotel window as he waits for the call to right itself. The sky’s so dark it has no difficulty showing off the speckle of stars overhead. His room is cool with the absence of sunlight and he wraps the blanket tighter around his shoulders. Looking back down at the screen, it’s hilariously frozen with only one eye of each of the women he’s talking to visible, but the warmth is tangible through their familiar banter and the bright sunshine peeking through the window behind them.

Javi’s beginning to understand why his older self would leave his past life behind for this.

Maybe it’s been way too long since he’s felt the touch of home.

 

>><<

 

It happens while he and the others are all messing about at a park, passing a football around simply to enjoy the nice weather.

Javi’s half browsing the internet and half paying attention to their circle of badly aimed kicking when he comes across the updated announcement for Fantasy on Ice. Twitter is losing its shit over something but most of the words are in Japanese and Javi doesn’t have enough vocabulary in his repertoire to attempt a proper translation so he keeps scrolling until he sees an image amongst the sea of Japanese characters and exclamation marks.

It’s the official poster for the ice show and Yuzuru’s photo is slapped over a large portion of it.

His fingers slide over the screen like a madman, hunting down the first English translation posted. He already knows, the photo is a perfect evidence but he _must_ read it with his own two eyes.

_Skaters:_

_Yuzuru Hanyu - All shows_

There it is.

“Heads up!”

The football bonks him on the head and Javi isn’t even all that mad.

 

>><<

 

They don’t see each other until the first day of practice.

Even then, Javi gets to the rink and only manages a glimpse of Yuzuru’s unruly tuft of hair bobbing around whenever he throws his head back in laughter. Yuzuru’s already surrounded by the Japanese skaters, view obstructed from the rest of the cast entering the arena just now.

Javi doesn’t separate himself from his own group— he rarely sees them during the year after all. But when the organizers arrive, standing in front of them on the ice, Javi takes the opportunity to weave around the others, slowly so as to not disturb any of them. He doesn’t know where he’s going exactly, only stopping once he finds a comfortable space to stand in, completely behind everyone else and slightly off to the left.

The sound of blades scraping the ice distracts him, prompting Javi to look down, discreet in his attempt to guess the skater’s identity just by looking at their gear.

The dark blades are a dead give away.

His eyes snap up and Yuzuru’s standing there, smiling at Javi like there hasn’t been radio silence between them since the last time Javi stepped foot at the Cricket Club.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’ll be joining us?” He whispers, keeping keen eyes on the organizer still speaking at the very front, though if he’s being honest, he’s lost track of what the person’s saying a moment ago.

“Surprise,” Yuzuru answers back, looking very pleased with himself. “Miss me?”

“No.” Javi pretends to brush down his pants. “Who would miss you?”

Yuzuru laughs, snorting inelegantly before heading towards one end of the rink. Javi follows along, absently registering that everyone’s doing the same so it _must_ be the right thing to do. Hopefully.

Rehearsal goes on smoothly and Javi lets himself get lost in the atmosphere, giggling with the others as they stumble through the choreography, trying to not to laugh too loud in reaction to Scott’s dumbass rambling, and trying not to trip over Misha’s feet whenever the asshole decides to randomly make a nuisance out of himself.

Speaking of being a nuisance, they’ve only been on break for all of three minutes before Misha suggests they play a game to pass the time. Javi eyes him warily.

“You’re not tired?”

Misha gives him an offended look. “You think I’m so old Javi? So old I’m tired already?”

“Yes?” Javi retorts, dodging the swinging arm headed his way.

“Shut up. Maybe _you’re_ the one that’s so old.”

“I’m a spritely young soul!” Javi skates off, Misha tailing close behind. They race around the rink, slipping through the other skaters trying to get off the ice. Javi only slows down when a blur of movement catches the corner of his eye but the body in front of him twists, as if hyper aware of its surroundings, and they manage to avoid colliding with a wide berth. 

Javi looks up to the pouting face of one Yuzuru Hanyu.

“Rowdy,” he tuts disapprovingly.

“Wow, that’s a big word.”

Javi gets smacked on his forehead and honestly, he deserves that so he doesn’t even retaliate. Before he can say anything else, he notices Misha skating fast towards them and immediately tries to hide behind Yuzuru, fruitless as it may be. Yuzuru’s slight form isn’t able to hide anyone for shit.

“What you doing?” Yuzuru looks behind him and then back at Misha who’s still barrelling straight at them.

“Save me!” Is the only explanation he offers before grabbing Yuzuru and skating backwards, away from Misha. The boy protests, clearly unwilling to accept his role as Javi’s new human shield but he doesn’t get a choice either way. Misha and Javi drag him around in their stupid game until he’s the one laughing and chasing them around the rink. 

At some point, Javi starts to feel the strain from the ruckus they’ve caused and he bends over, hands on his knees to catch his breath. Yuzuru skates by, turning in gentle loops as he waits for Javi to straighten up again.

Javi barely does so, blowing out a breath as they share a little smile.

Then Misha ruins the serene moment with a loud proclamation of, “For Sparta!”

And hell, Javi’s too tired for another round of rough housing, but Yuzuru turns, back facing Javi with both hands held out behind him, and Javi knows nothing else but to hold those hands in his.

So he doesn’t stop.

City after city, Yuzuru would reach back in full confidence and Javi would be there to meet him, hands intertwined in the dark, only for the lights to catch the last of the moment as they speed through half of the arena. 

When the summer shows end, something inexplicably heavy weighs in his chest.

He glides around the rink in Nagano, smiling and waving at the crowd. Somehow, he ends up holding a kid from the audience and he’s a little confused as to how that came about but he doesn’t mind. Especially not when it catches Yuzuru’s attention, making the boy skate over to him, one hand raised. Yuzuru closes their distance and Javi opens one arm, expecting him to coo over the baby he’s holding but Yuzuru only lifts his hand higher and pats _Javi_ on the head instead.

Javi laughs, endeared. His hands land on Yuzuru’s side, absently caressing it with a light tickle.

And as the skaters leave the ice, Yuzuru glides close to him once more. They walk off side by side, arms around each other, heads huddled close together. Yuzuru is awfully quiet in his gesture, more generous in his affection than what Javi is used to. It also doesn’t escape him that throughout this show and the previous ones, Yuzuru has given him a special kind of attention he’s bestowed over no other.

But he shakes it off, unwilling to explore the sense of finality in the acts. Javi tells himself there’s nothing to worry about. Sure, he has his own commitments in Spain, with no return ticket back to Canada set in stone, but training for Europeans is a very real thing that Javi absolutely cannot slack on. He’ll be back right here, next to Yuzuru, in no time at all.

Yuzuru slips out of his hold, taken away in a flurry of hands and cameras and rapid Japanese spoken over the noise of the crowd behind the curtains. Javi stands there, empty hand still suspended mid-air as his eyes follow Yuzuru’s disappearing form.

His rink mate turns around, the added height of their skates making it easier for them to catch each other’s eyes above everyone else’s head. Javi tries to smile, waving him a small goodbye. It’s likely they won’t get a chance for a proper send off, between Yuzuru’s media obligations and Javi’s early morning flight.

Yuzuru responds in kind, mouthing a soundless, ‘bye bye, Javi’, before the crowd swallows him whole.

It’s only a temporary goodbye.

So why does it feel like he’s running out of time?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? stress updating in light of yuzu arriving in Helsinki?  
> more likely than you'd think
> 
> skdjfhsdgj anyway thanks for reading let's all die together this weekend


	6. Eternal

Against his better judgement, Javi goes on Youtube and tries to watch the entirety of the previous season in one fell swoop, curious as to how the competition looks like these days. He avoids his own performances, however, queasy at the thought of seeing his past self doing something he has no memory of.

The whole experience spirals into something he knows is bound to happen but he isn’t truly prepared for; the sheer _want_ and frustration he feels at the thought of being unable to fight for the gold after the European Championship is overwhelming. The screen shows him some kids — Boyang Jin, Shoma Uno, Nathan Chen — landing quad after quad while here he sits frowning at his computer, so far behind in his training that he isn’t even sure he can land a goddamn toeloop.

His mouse hovers over the next clip, but he’s getting dangerously close to the olympic performances and those are the last things Javi wants to see.

With more force than necessary, he shuts his laptop close and turns over, burying his face in his pillows.

Javi had left 2014 with a fire in his veins, with a chip on his shoulder, with something to prove. Everything had been taken out of his hands in the blink of an eye and he can’t, isn’t _able_ to, let go of the fact that he’s brought redemption to himself only to skip through the entire process and fast forward straight to the finish line. He wants to experience the adrenaline, the sweat from exhaustion and tears of frustration. He wants to experience it all. He wants to feel like he _deserves_ to stand right here, at the height of his success.

He really, _really_ wants to get back into competition.

Screaming into his pillows isn’t the wisest thing to do, living with his family and all, but Javi does it anyway, feeling like the angsty teenager he always accuses Laura of being. Nobody can blame him, alright, there’s no other word to describe his life right now other than outrageously _unfair_. 

There’s a knock on his door but he doesn’t bother moving. He’s been expecting that anyway, making so much noise and all.

“I’m fine,” he tries to shout through the pillow he’s shoved his face into. “Just stubbed my toe,” continues his muffled voice. Whoever’s outside the door doesn’t buy it, because Javi hears the knob turn shortly after and he groans, unsure whether he wants to talk to anyone about this.

“You stubbed your toe on the mattress?” Marina’s voice sounds out and _ah, shit_ Javi is truly screwed over now. He scrambles out of his messy cocoon of blankets and pillows, moving around to try and make room for her on his messy bed. He grabs his laptop, intending to put it down on the floor but his hold slips halfway through and it _does_ end up on the floor, but it sprawls open, displaying the Youtube video he last viewed only minutes prior.

They both stare at the screen where Mikhail Kolayada starts up his step sequence. “Uh.” Javi had turned the volume down earlier, but the voices of the commentators sound oddly loud in their abrupt silence.

“What are you doing?” Marina asks lightly. Javi doesn’t know her enough to figure out whether he’s in trouble or if she’s genuinely curious.

“I was bored.” He shrugs, reaching over to shut the lid again. The noise stops and the two of them are left with the type of quiet that Javi’s sure is only awkward because _he’s_ making it awkward.

Marina sits on the edge of the bed, hands folded over each other and expression carefully blank. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Javi, you’ve been strange since I got back.”

“…What do you mean?” He asks again, aware of how stupid he sounds but unable to stop his mouth from running. There’s panic simmering in his chest, not quite enough to surge out and cause any visible tells but still present in the way Javi’s breathing picks up— the way his heart pounds manically, feeling like it’s just about done resting peacefully inside himself.

 _This is it_ , he thinks. _I’ve run out of luck_.

Marina laughs but it lacks humour, sounding hoarse in comparison to her usual chime. “I think,” she starts, shaking her head at the ceiling before training her gaze on Javi. “I think I’ve been patient enough, _understanding_ enough.” Javi has to try his very best not to look away from the steel in her eyes. “And I get it, I do. I chose this, I _chose you_ despite knowing that we’d barely see each other at the start, that your career is the most important thing in your life, but that’s just it, Javi. I thought we decided this whole waiting game is just temporary?”

Javi’s head is spinning. This is the moment he’s been dreading all this time, being confronted with an aspect of future Javier’s life that Javi isn’t able to claw his way out of. “Marina, what— ”

“ _Please_ don’t pretend that you don’t see anything wrong with us.” The steel is rapidly melting and Javi’s horrified to see her eyes turn glassy with unshed tears. “When was the last time you kissed me?”

He looks at her helplessly, regret thrumming in his veins.

“I’m… I’m not…” He’s not what? ‘I’m not your Javi'? He can’t say that. “I’m sorry.”

It’s the wrong thing to say.

“You’re sorry?! What the _fuck_ are you sorry for exactly?” Marina cries out, voice rising with frustration. “That you barely treat me as your girlfriend? That you don’t talk to me the same way? Tell me _something_ , give me something to work with here.”

“I just,” Javi trails off, frantically searching for a response. Every honest thing he has to say can’t be said aloud so he settles for the safest route. “I want to go back into competition and I don’t know how to—”

“You don’t know how to tell me.” Her hands fly out to her temples, rubbing it as if soothing a headache away. “We’ve talked about this, Javi. You said you were done.”

“Then I was wrong,” he blurts out, indignant.

“You said it’s finally over!” She turns back to him, disbelief clear in her misty eyes. “You _said_ we can settle down and now you’re over here thinking about fucking back off to Canada for who knows how many more years?”

He swallows, weighed down by the words of the man he’s replaced. Javi shakes his head, not wanting to add fuel to the fire by arguing. “I know.” No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t _know_. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Stop_ saying that.” Marina stares at him then, as if waiting for Javi to say something else, to fix the crack in their otherwise seemingly perfect relationship. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, feeling nothing else but apologetic that she’s caught in the middle of his fucked up situation. “I’m so sorry.”

She shakes her head, “Who are you?”

The panic in his chest breaks down the careful barriers he’s built, and Javi has to breathe deeply, has to listen to the ticking of the clock, something rhythmic and constant, to even out his inhales. His heart is beating too fast, staring at this woman who loves a version of himself that Javi isn’t sure still exists.

Marina gets up and out of his room without waiting for him to come up with an answer. Javi’s thankful for it, which he’s sure is not her intent, but it allows him to control the immense pressure in his airways faster than he would have in her presence. He puts a hand to his chest, rubbing away the ache.

He can’t keep going like this. He can’t keep tiptoeing around people for the rest of his time here, afraid that he’s ruining a life his future self has painstakingly molded. This is his life too, unwittingly stolen maybe, undeserving maybe, but the constant dread has got to stop. He’s exhausted.

Javi has to start living in the present and he’s determined to create a future that he, _himself_ , has chosen.

 

**Javi 15:10**

I wasn’t thinking right, I’m sorry

We need to talk properly

Please

 

**Marina 15:20**

I need time

 

He knocks the back of his head on the wall, repeatedly.

Dragging himself out of the room is a chore. He shoves his feet into Laura’s fuzzy slippers scattered in the hallway outside his door, uncaring that only half of his feet can fit in it. His mother’s sitting on the couch in front of the television, relaxed as ever despite undoubtedly hearing what went down in his room earlier.

“You’re not disowning me?” He asks, getting a glass of water to delay a confrontation just in case his mother really is mad at him for fucking up with Marina.

“Why would I do that?” She asks back, unbothered.

“I don’t know.” Javi shuffles closer, rubbing the back of his head as the fuzzy slippers make annoying scratchy noises against the wooden floor. “I messed up. Don’t you guys like her a lot?”

His mother looks at him, “I do like her, but you’re my son. I’m always on your side.”

Javi blows out a breath, draping himself on the couch beside her. “I’m a horrible person, though.”

“You’re the kindest person I know, second only to your own father.” Enriqueta shushes him when he tries to protest. “I know you, Javi. You don’t hurt anyone on purpose.”

“You’re just saying that cause I’m your son.”

She laughs but doesn’t correct him. Javi would be offended if he isn’t so tired of everything. He settles more comfortably in the cushions and puts his focus on the show his mother religiously follows. He could have sworn this telenovela has been going on since _before_ he left Spain for Russia, way back when.

“Are these the same actors from…”

“Yes,” Enriqueta answers before Javi can even finish.

“Damn.”

 

>><<

 

As per the recurring theme in Javi’s life, the first decision he makes while determinedly _living in the present_ is one so obtuse he doesn’t even know how he got there.

 _It’s for a good cause_ , Elena had told him and Javi had been quick to agree after hearing all about it. Now that he looks back on it, he _does_ remember her passing over a bundle of reading material containing the details of the commercial they’d shoot. But in classic Javi fashion, he’d only skimmed through the entire thing, confirmed that he hadn’t been about to sell his soul to the devil, and had signed the contract with a light hearted swoop of a pen.

And yes, of course, it’s for a wonderful cause but when Elena said he’d be skating around in funny costumes, he’d been thinking more along the lines of, say, Super Javi.

Not this… giant bird monstrosity.

His schedule between filming and training and preparing for his ice show is actually so tight that Javi had to convince the filming crew to follow him back to Canada, where he’d managed to wheedle a couple more days of training after the summer ice shows, so they can finish the first recording in time without him losing out on some practice sessions. Thankfully, Huawei is rich enough to afford flying the crew and a couple of volunteers across the continent. But finding a venue hadn’t been so easy. It took some needling, maybe a little bit of eye batting, and a whole lot of desperate begging, before he got Brian to help him book the Cricket Club on a Sunday morning when the rink would normally be shut down.

So now he’s here, skating with dramatic strokes across the ice like he isn’t wearing a sack of dyed fake feathers down to his knees. At least they’re kind of soft. He can probably take a nice, comfortable nap in the suit.

Javi sits on the bench when the crew starts packing up, carrying only their cameras for some last minute behind the scenes videos and photos. His smile never leaves his face, citing that the costume’s keeping him warm every time someone asks why he’s not rushing to take it all off. Frankly speaking, he’s simply too lazy to do anything but sit there watching everyone else fleeting about.

When that gets dull, he slips out of the rink without too much commotion— quite a feat considering he’s got a ginormous shark-like protrusion behind his costume, swinging about with his every move. He’d intended to find Brian, hoping to work out his future training schedule because the earlier weeks of November aren’t actually as free as he’d originally thought they would be.

But when he walks by the hallways, he hears hushed voices speaking inside an empty office room that skaters sometimes use to try on new costumes. The blinds are drawn, he can’t see which other people got permission to be at Cricket on a Sunday so Javi passes by without interrupting, hoping Brian isn’t in there else his search would just be all the more fruitless.

In the end, he doesn’t see his coach anywhere. The man’s probably at Starbucks enjoying a cup of coffee instead of supervising Javi’s bizarre cellphone commercial.

He backtracks towards the rink, figuring the crew would be gone by now and he might be able to do little more skating by himself but the door to that one occupied office suddenly flies open, almost hitting Javi in the process, and he staggers backwards, clutching at the beak above his forehead.

An incredibly confused Yuzuru stares back at him and alright, Javi gets it, he’s not looking his most dapper at the moment but _dear god_ , Yuzuru’s looking quite divine.

“Javi?”

“Em,” Javi stammers, eyes dropping from Yuzuru’s brushed back hair down to the deep v of the black and gold costume hugging his form so _perfectly_. “Hurm,” he continues, not exactly registering the strange sounds he’s making while his eyes try to take in the superior genes presented in front of him. Is the whole thing made of _lace_? “Huy.” He clears his throat. “Hi. Fancy—” He chokes on a swallow and it turns into an embarrassing coughing fit that lasts an awkwardly long time. Yuzuru stands there, looking increasingly concerned by the second. “Fancy meeting you here,” he wheezes out in the end, wiping a few stray tears away from his eyes.

It’s okay, he was going to cry from how beautiful Yuzuru looks anyway. At least now he can cover it up as the aftermath of almost dying on his own spit.

“You need help?” Yuzuru reaches out, hesitating before softly rubbing at where he assumes Javi’s chest would be under his suit. “I get you water?”

Javi laughs hysterically. Oh yes he needs help.

Yuzuru’s starting to look more disturbed than concerned now but before he could question Javi’s peculiar behaviour, they hear a small group of people making their way down the same hallway where they stand. They’re all speaking in Spanish.

“Shit, I thought they left,” Javi mutters, instinctively holding Yuzuru’s gloved hand. _Sheer_ _black gloves_ , fuck Javi is so very into this entire look. “We need to—” He starts for the door back into the office but seeing that the blinds are now pulled open, they won’t be able to shut those old, creaky things back down before those people turn the corner. “Let’s go this way.” He can’t let them see Yuzuru, _any_ type of unwanted media is bad for the boy but _Spanish_ media? Javi’s going to hide him even if he has to stuff Yuzuru inside the bird suit himself.

They run towards the rink, snickering for no other reason than everything is just that much funnier when you’re not supposed to make noise. Their skate guards make those distinct clunky sounds every time they take a step so a quiet escape is certainly out of the question. Javi just hopes nobody sees them and manages to snap a photo from behind. He can already imagine the headlines if the photo gets sold— ‘Birdman Kidnaps Ice Prince’, Yuzuru’s dramatic ass would be devastated if his costume gets leaked before he has a chance to reveal it at his first competition of the season.

“Yes,” Javi hisses in triumph, locking the double doors to the rink once he surveys that the two of them are the only ones inside. Yuzuru’s got his signature scrunchy-eyed smile when Javi turns around to face him. “What?”

“You are this for gala?” Yuzuru gestures at Javi’s getup.

“No,” Javi chuckles. “God no. I was filming a commercial.”

“Okay.”

“Shut up, it’s for a good cause.”

“I’m not saying things!”

“I can feel your judgement.”

“Yes, because you look like sesame street bird.”

Javi presses his lips together to keep from smiling, “Yeah, okay, Mr. Febreeze.”

“It’s not even Febreeze.”

Javi bursts out laughing, prompted by the utterly offended tone Yuzuru says that in. Removing his skate guards, he skates out to the middle of the rink and beckons for Yuzuru to join him. The younger boy takes his time moving closer, watching Javi and shaking his head at his antics. Javi pulls out his phone and presses shuffle on his playlist, giving them something to move in tune with.

They fool around for a while, with Yuzuru challenging Javi to try some spins in his costume. His laughter rings loud across the empty rink and Javi decides the sound is worth falling on his ass for. Halfway through _Man of La Mancha_ , Javi playfully offers his hand to Yuzuru, to which the boy snorts and skates away from.

“You’re really gonna leave me hanging?” He stays in his spot, hand still pointedly up in the air. “It’s not gonna hold itself.”

Yuzuru drags it out, tapping against forehead as if in deep contemplation before finally giggling and using that same hand to brush his hair behind his ears. Javi wants to slap him for making such a dorky gesture look so attractive. Then again, he thinks Yuzuru can make anything look attractive dressed like that. 

A light weight settles over his hand and Javi blinks, distracted by how small Yuzuru’s hand looks, sitting atop his giant bird claws. Literally. Javi had put on the gloves that comes with the costume while he and Yuzuru had been messing about earlier.

He grips that hand carefully and just as gently places it on his own shoulder. He knows Yuzuru isn’t as fragile as he looks, he’s trained long enough with the teenage version of this boy that he has no doubt he’s only gotten stronger through the years. But he can’t help it. To this day, he has yet to figure out how such immense strength can be contained inside someone as delicate looking as Yuzuru.

The song trails off and Javi smiles, wrapping his free arm around Yuzuru’s waist. “Follow my lead.” He’s prepared to do something silly, maybe a really bad rendition of a river dance that would trigger another bout of laughter from Yuzuru. It seems like fate has other plans though, because _Prometo_ ’s tinkling piano echoes along the walls just then, and Javi’s mirthful eyes turn mellow. He leads them into a slow, simple tango, gliding across the ice as if the they, two of the most celebrated figures of their sport, have got all the time in the world to spare.

Javi imagines they look quite the pair. Like a strange retelling of The Beauty and The Beast— where the Beast is cursed to live the rest of his life as an awkward blue bird with absolutely no prince-like qualities left to be found. It’s perfect, really, Yuzuru’s even looking at him like he’s forgotten that Javi has a wonky yellow beak sitting on top of his head.

Hope blooms in his chest, like flowers in the spring field, big and bright after the rain.

They dance slowly with the music and Javi is certain, with every fibre in his being, that he’s not alone with this feeling. He pulls Yuzuru closer, their foreheads almost touching. Javi smiles gently and starts mouthing the lyrics to the song, intimate despite the barrier in the spoken language. _We will dance our tango in the salon, if you dare, don’t let me go_. Yuzuru’s eyes flutter and he looks away. Javi wonders if somehow, someway, Yuzuru knows this song more than he lets on and truly understands what Javi is saying. 

Javi closes his eyes, covering the small distance for their temples to touch as he whispers along. _I promise you I will forget my scars and give back what I have stolen from your two sad eyes._ The other boy’s grip on his shoulder tightens and Javi would worry about ripping off the seams of his costume if he cared about anything other than the boy in his arms right now. _I promise you we will become eternal_.

When he opens his eyes, Yuzuru’s already looking back at him, eyebrows furrowed and emotions so openly visible in his eyes that Javi’s breath gets knocked out of his lungs. He hadn’t realized how guarded Yuzuru had been with him until this moment. He sees something sweet like hope, sees the glitter of joy that can’t be overshadowed by the hint of hesitation evidently present. He sees the fondness and the longing there too, but then— Yuzuru’s expression falls, and it's harder to decipher the disbelief he's exuding. Or is that fear? 

Regret?

Javi’s budding smile drops in tandem.

The door to the rink unlocks with the jarring noise of metal hitting metal and they both gasp, with Javi immediately pushing Yuzuru behind him out of reflex.

Thankfully, no flashing cameras follow and only a very confused Brian stands opposite of them.

“What in the world are you two doing in here?”

“… Skating?” Yuzuru says smartly from behind Javi.

Javi accidentally snorts, then immediately smacks Yuzuru on the hip as if it’s all his fault.

Brian scrubs a hand over his face. “Get off the ice, both of you, and for god’s sake take off the damn costumes.” He brings his hand down to look at Javi properly. His lips twitch from holding back a smile.

“It’s okay, you can laugh.” Javi says, letting go of a snickering Yuzuru once his shiny new costume is clearly safe from any media lenses.

Their coach huffs out a laugh, “Get changed quick, I want a nap. Yuzu, come with me, your mother’s been looking for you.” When he sees Yuzuru’s worried frown, Brian quickly adds, “Everyone’s gone. I personally saw them drive out. Come on, we all need to get going too.” Brian walks off with a final wave of his hand, expecting Yuzuru to follow him out the door shortly.

Yuzuru nods to himself, appeased. He’s slow to move off of the ice while Javi follows him with his gaze, unmoving. The boy must feel his stare, because Yuzuru turns to him just before he reaches for his skate guards and Javi sees not a hint of the brewing storm he’d seen in those very same eyes only moments ago.

“How long you are here?”

Javi shakes his head and then shrugs. “I don’t know, but Yuzu wait, I need—”

“Okay,” Yuzuru cuts him off, snapping his blade guards into place as he hops off the ice. “I will watch Japan Open and ice shows on video! Good luck, Javi!”

“Wait, don’t leave.” Javi speeds over to him, reaching out for his hands and he’s surprised when Yuzuru actually stops to listen. “I need—”

“You guys have two seconds or I’m shutting down the electricity and you’re gonna have to navigate in the dark.” Brian’s voice echoes from the hallway outside.

“I see you later,” Yuzuru whispers, glancing down at Javi’s outstretched hand but then he turns and scurries over to Brian before their coach follows through with his words.

“Yeah,” Javi says to the empty space. “I’ll see you later.”

Damn it. _Damn it_.

Javi’s sure that had been the perfect moment to address the issue of their… whatever they have. Granted, he hadn’t been planning to make a move— he still has to settle things with Marina before anything else but they could’ve _at least_ talked about it. All this dancing around of the metaphorical sense is driving Javi nuts. He has a _lot_ of questions about that expression on Yuzuru’s face at the end.

But now that they’d lost that opportunity, he can’t possibly bring it up again any time soon. The Grand Prix season is practically here and although Yuzuru had apparently claimed that he no longer cared about results, Javi doesn’t believe him one bit. And Yuzuru would pulverize him if he even tries to bring up something so heavy in the midst of the season.

His playlist starts blasting _Despacito_ , which irrationally annoys the hell out of Javi. “Shut up, Siri.” The phone goes silent and he marches over, grabs it off the ground, and heads towards the change room.

It’s only when he’s removing the top part of the suit off of his head that he realizes he’s got a whole new problem in hand; the crew is gone and he’s got none of their contact information whatsoever.

So where exactly is he supposed to put this bird now?

 

>><<

 

Javi gets some time to practice his free program, eventually, before heading off to film a couple more commercials in increasingly ridiculous costumes. It’s not much but he thinks he’s got the choreo down to pat. The ISU implementing new rules had been a good excuse to flail around and be clueless the first couple of times without looking suspicious.

Japan Open turns out to be quite frustrating, and yes he’s there more for the team experience than anything else, but he can’t remember the last time he’s been so out of breath at the end of a program. The removal of those last thirty seconds is straight up _murder._ It’s the worst part of the future so far.

The disaster that is his first competitive performance as his future self most definitely did _not_ do anything to quell his frustration, nor silence his need to go out, compete, and prove to _himself_ that he’s more than just a freeloader to future Javier’s accomplishments.

He’s back in Spain now, looking up time conversions for Madrid and Oakville to see if he’d be able to watch Autumn Classic live or if he’d have to settle for a rerun. But a message alert blocks his view just when he’s found the least confusing website for his purpose.

  

**Marina 17:32**

Are you back?

 

**Javi 17:33**

Yes

 

**Marina 17:34**

Meet me at that cafe in the library by the bridge

 

**Javi 17:34**

When?

 

**Marina 17:35**

Today

Now

 

Just as Javi suspected, Marina’s already there when he arrives. She’s nursing half a cup of coffee in between two hands, looking like she hasn’t yet realized that Javi is already there.

“Hey,” he says, voice quiet. It startles her anyway but she’s quick give him a smile. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but it’s an effort for friendliness either way.

The waiter comes over and Javi asks for coffee before turning the question on Marina but she shakes her head. “This is my third refill,” she says.

“Oh.” Javi swallows, waiting for the waiter to leave before continuing. “How long have you been here?”

“Since noon.”

“Oh,” he says again, looking down as he fiddles with his hands under the table. “We need to talk.”

“Yes, is that not what we’re doing right now?”

“No.” He pauses when the waiter returns with his coffee. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” Marina looks away from the window, looking Javi in the eye for the first time since he got there. “You want us to break up.”

Javi immediately shakes his head. “That’s not it.”

“Really?” She interrupts him before he’s able to say more, her tone as blasé as they come. “Is it not?”

He wants to deny it. It sounds crude and heartless. But she’s not exactly wrong— he doesn’t want to continue a relationship he knows he can’t uphold. It’s not fair to either of them.

“Why did you suddenly want to get back into competition when you _know_ the distance is so hard on me?”

Because he _doesn’t fucking know that_. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Wasn’t thinking of your words? Or wasn’t thinking of how that decision will affect the two of us?”

His silence seems to be enough of an answer and Marina nods, tapping a finger against the side of her cup. “You know, I really thought we’d make it,” she says, chuckling under her breath. “When you said you’d be with me, that you’ve hit the ceiling for your career, that maybe you’re ready to settle down?” She takes a long, stuttering inhale and Javi can’t look her in the eye. “I thought _this is it_. You’re the one. And all the waiting I’ve done wouldn’t be put to waste.” She laughs again, louder this time as she shakes her head. “But I guess that’s my fault too. What am I doing, choosing a man so painfully unavailable, right?”

Javi looks up at her then, sees the clench in her jaw from the force of holding back her tears. He can’t make himself say anything. He’s got nothing to offer to make it all better.

“I just wanna know one thing.”

He inclines his head, desperate to do something more than feebly staring at the girl in front of him.

“When you said you’d give us your best shot, did you mean it?”

Javi may not know his own exact words, but he’s got no doubt in his mind that he’d meant them, heart and soul. “Absolutely.”

Marina nods, “Okay.”

She spares him with a brief silence, which Javi uses to finally take a sip of his coffee. It tastes more bitter that he’s expecting.

“I still love you,” she says and Javi only just manages not to cough coffee out of his nose. “I will love you for a while. But I won’t wait for you.”

“I won’t ask that from you,” he mumbles in earnest.

“Good.” She empties whatever’s left of her cup in one go. “You’re still not over that person, are you?”

It’s a good thing he hadn’t been drinking when she’d asked that. “I... I don't....” Though it’s obvious she doesn’t know who it is, Javi’s sure he’s got his signature deer in the headlights expression in full swing.

Looks like future Javier is just as much of a mess as himself if Marina knows about his person.

She chuckles at his non-answer. “Fine, I hope they’re worth all the waiting _you’re_ putting yourself through.” Marina stands, rummaging through her purse before deciding that Javi has to pay for her in return for breaking her heart. Javi winces at that, not finding the joke funny at all. “Right then, it’s official. We’re over.” She declares the words so clinically, Javi doesn’t know whether he’d have rather her punch him silly instead. “Take care, Javi.” She leans towards him and kisses both of his cheeks.

“You too, Marina.” He holds her hand back before she walks off completely. “I really am sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” She leaves the cafe, Javi, and his sad cup of lukewarm coffee, head held high.

 

>><<

 

“That could have gone a lot worse.” Javi sits at the edge of the water by the bridge, watching a mother duck herding her children out of the water. “Don’t you think?” The ducks don’t even look at him.

He sighs, picking up a stick and drawing random figures on the dirt. “Is it bad that I’m relieved?” The stick snaps in half when he presses in too hard. “I really am a horrible person, mama’s just biased.”

His phone buzzes with a notification before he could sulk some more and he struggles to pull it out from his back pocket, only to groan when he sees the time on the screen. It’s already half after nine, the men’s short programs at Autumn Classic would be over by now.

Javi peruses the website to see the results, smiling when he sees that Yuzuru is currently at the top. He scrolls through his notifications after, finding himself pleasantly surprised when he sees a message from a certain someone on Line. He scrambles over to open the app.

 

**Yuzuru 21:29**

Salchow is good to me today!!

 

**Javi 21:29**

Congrats!!

It was iffy to me at Japan open :(

 

**Yuzuru 21:30**

I watched ●︿●

30 second cut super bad too right?

 

**Javi 21:31**

It is, I’m dying

Please tell them to change it back

Aren’t you like the god of skating come on, make it happen

 

**Yuzuru 21:31**

(;; ꒪▿꒪) nooo I’m last person they will listen to

How is ice show things going?

 

**Javi 21:32**

Really good! Everything’s so exciting

I’m soooo pumped

 

**Javi 21:35**

I wish I could steal you for it though, haha

 

**Yuzuru 21:36**

You can try

I let you

 

**Javi 21:36**

You’re killing me

 

**Yuzuru 21:36**

But must wear bird costume first!

 

**Javi 21:37**

Oh wow

I’m going to fight you when I get back

 

**Yuzuru 21:38**

Ok ( ᐛ )و if Javi’s old man brains remember it next year

 

**Javi 21:38**

Yeah that’s it we’re going to fight

 

**Yuzuru 21:38**

( ᐛ )

  

Javi accidentally presses the call button when he gets off the ground. He stares at the screen, horrified, as he brushes the dirt off of the back of his jeans and thinks of the best way to cancel the call without seeming too awkward.

But then Yuzuru picks up.

“Javi?” His tinny voice calls out from Javi’s phone, startling him into movement right away.

“Hey.” Slowly, he places the phone over his ear. “How do you have time to message me anyway? Shouldn’t you be sight seeing or something?”

“What is to sight see? I’m one hour from Toronto,” Yuzuru huffs.

Javi inclines his head, “Alright, yeah, that’s valid. Still, go get some fresh air.”

Yuzuru laughs but it’s quick to quiet down. “I can’t. It’s scary—”

The station is a little loud as he rushes downstairs to catch the metro so Javi struggles to hear the rest of Yuzuru’s words. “Sorry, there are so many people here, I didn’t hear you. Why is it scary? What happened? Are you okay?” He fires off the questions one after another, ready to square up despite being an entire continent away.

“I’m okay. I’m only in hotel room. Too many people following and waiting outside for long time. I don’t know what they want?”

Javi deflates, feeling a surge of the usual protectiveness he feels around the people he’s fond of, more strongly present with Yuzuru. He’s jittery with the need to rush over and somehow make it better.

“I’m sorry it’s like that,” he sighs, entering the metro and standing by the doors without bothering to look for open seats. All he can do from across the globe is to try and make Yuzuru smile. “I can always lend you my animal costumes. Just cover your face and nobody would suspect.”

Yuzuru laughs, loud and then faint, like he has to hold the phone away from himself when the laughter doesn’t stop immediately. “That is good solution,” he says once he catches his breath and Javi’s just glad Yuzuru still finds his lame jokes funny. “Nobody will follow and wait for giant crab.”

“Nope.” Javi’s smile widens as Yuzuru continues to snicker. “No one will. Can’t promise nobody will be taking photos though.”

“That’s okay, maybe I pose for them too.”

It’s Javi’s turn to laugh, keeping it quiet so he doesn’t disturb the other commuters.

“Ah sorry, mom calling for food now.”

“Don’t keep her waiting.”

“Okay, we talk later. Have good night, Javi.”

“You too.”

Yuzuru hangs up, leaving Javi to reread their messages, more specifically the part where Yuzuru says he’d let Javi steal him for his ice show. Is that supposed to be flirting? He’s not sure, he’s never seen Yuzuru flirt. Did their moment back at the Cricket Club actually open up the flood gates? But Yuzuru would probably never mention it again so is _Javi_ allowed to address the whole having feelings for each other thing now, despite the timing? Or is he just reading too much into a joke?

He leans the back of his head against the pole behind him.

But even if somehow, Javi’s lucky enough to have Yuzuru accept him right away, he’s still retiring, he’s still living in Spain, and they’re still not going to see each other until the year is over.

 _And only for a short time_ , his brain mercilessly reminds him. _Such a small amount of time before you truly leave Toronto behind_.

Javi knows how fragile the beginning of a relationship can be.

Choosing to take the leap is the easy part, but Javi doesn’t know if they would survive the fall.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At one point editing this I was like ‘haha, I should listen to prometo while rereading this part’ and I immediately hated myself for doing so
> 
> This chapter was actually ready a while ago but I didn’t get to post it before the Rostelecom fs stream and ummm I’ve kinda just been staring at the walls for the rest of the day after what happened, I’m sad pals
> 
> But anyway, thank you for reading ♥


	7. Final Bow

Helsinki is only an hour behind Spain, so Javi has the luxury of waking up late on a Saturday and still catching the live stream for the event. Being in Europe is good for one thing, at least. He leans forward, closer to his computer screen as the men’s short programs continue on, wincing every time a skater takes a tumble on the ice.

He wonders how he would have fared, had he been there as well.

Despite his clear bias, however, he finds himself immersed in the other programs as well, noting the scores on certain elements and watching for entries and landings and footwork.

He takes a big gulp of his coffee, smiling when Yuzuru finally takes the ice. This costume looks beautiful on him, as always, and Javi knows he would have stuttered like a fool the same way he’d done had Yuzuru been wearing this instead of his free skate costume the last time they’d seen each other. Javi watches him, entranced, and he isn’t even surprised at the record breaking score the screen displays shortly after.

The next day, he’s on the bus with the rest of the Revolution cast, on their way to Pamplona. The stream clashes horribly with his schedule so Javi has to content himself with refreshing the results page to keep track of the competition. Soon enough, his rowdy friends pull Javi’s attention away from his phone and he doesn’t get to see the final results until much later, when they’ve already gotten off the bus to check out the venue.

He opens up the event page one last time, grins widely at what he sees, and heads off to rehearsals with a light heart.

Before he goes to sleep that night, he sends Yuzuru a congratulatory text littered with multiple bowing emojis. He wakes up to a barrage of laughing emojis along with a simple ‘thank you’.

The first stop of his ice show is a huge success. Javi can’t believe his own eyes, looking up at the seats, all filled with cheering fans. His eyes sting a little, recalling how dismissive his peers had been, how dismissive the _adults_ had been, back when Javi, as a child, had fallen in love with the ice in a country that despises its biting cold. And now, despite his fall in Sochi, he’s gotten back up and jumped through the hurdles all over again. Somehow, he’s come up the other side still standing. And along the way, he’s made these people see.

 _This_ is his reason to keep fighting.

Amidst the applause, Javi smiles and lets the joy reflect off of him in waves. Beside him, Jeffrey shakes him by the shoulders, laughter careless and bright.

“I’m glad to see you this happy again,” he says and it throws Javi off. But the other skaters crowd around them in time for the group bows and Javi puts it out of mind. He _is_ happy, the happiest he’s been in a while.

When Yuzuru breaks yet another world record and Javi’s Malaga show finishes off just as strongly as the first, he should have known that something’s got to give. Life doesn’t simply dole out blessings of this calibre, especially not for the two of them.

“Brian.” Javi paces the length of his hotel room. He won’t be travelling back to Madrid until tomorrow so he doesn’t have Laura here to smack some sense into him. “He’s not answering my calls.”

“He’s fine, it’s fine,” Brian says only to be met by Javi’s disbelieving silence. The message must have translated through their phones as his coach sighs out, “It’s not as bad as last time.”

That’s the whole problem. Javi hadn’t _been there_ for last time. For once he doesn’t envy the other Javi for having experienced all the things he hasn’t but now he doesn’t have anything to compare the situation to.

“Okay.” He forces himself to calm down, taking Brian’s words as something that he should feel relieved about. “How is he, though?”

“I told you he’s fine.”

“Then why is he not answering his phone?”

“Javi—”

“Usually he’s glued to that thing, he’d definitely hear when something rings. Multiple times.”

“Javi.”

“So if he’s _really_ fine I’d at least like to talk—”

“Javi! For Christ’s sake stop for a second!” He shuts up obediently. “I don’t think he’s hooked up to the hotel wifi.”

“Oh,” he pauses, unprepared for such mundane reasoning. “Well, why the hell not?”

“Cause he’s _Yuzuru_. I’ll tell him you two need to talk before you chew your own arm off over there.”

“Thanks, Brian.” He ends the call sheepishly, finally relaxed enough to wander around in a half hearted attempt to clean up. He’ll wait half an hour for Yuzuru to return his missed calls and if the boy still doesn’t, Javi will just have to do it again until he gets a response. A text message telling him to shut up will placate him. _Anything_ from Yuzuru will suffice.

Javi’s on the bed zipping up one of his luggages when he gets the incoming call. He jumps over the mess of clothes and toiletries on the floor and dashes towards the table, answering with a quick swipe before it even gets to the third ring.

“Hey,” he breathes out, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“Hi, Javi.” Yuzuru sounds tired, like he’s in dire need of a nap. Not sad, not defeated. Just tired.

Javi slumps down on the ground, uncaring that he might be sitting on one of his costumes right now. “How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad.”

He chuckles, “Uh huh.”

“Mhm.”

“Try again.”

A pause, and then some muffled shuffling. “It hurts but feeling better with ice.”

“Okay, make sure to treat it well and _listen to the pros_. Don’t just go doing what you want when the pain dies down in a couple days.”

Yuzuru giggles in his ear, “Yes.” He hears a couple more seconds of shuffling before all goes quiet. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you worried.”

“Don’t apologize for that, ever.” Javi leans back against the leg of the table behind him. He wishes he can just up and book it outside, run to Moscow in his shabby sweatpants, bridge the distance between them, and hold him tight this very moment.

“All you are supposed to be today is happy,” Yuzuru murmurs back. Javi’s truly never wanted to embrace someone more.

“I could say the same for you,” he says, thinking back on Yuzuru’s most recent world record. How yesterday’s triumph and today’s tragedy feel light years apart.

“Tell something happy.”

“Like what?”

“Ice show. Tell everything.”

Javi does his best to recount every detail of his ice show, accentuating the funniest parts just to hear Yuzuru’s soft laughter over and over. He talks about looking out to the crowd and feeling invincible. Talks about the shenanigans he and the others get to in their downtime. It almost feels like one of their normal conversations— like the sole reason the two of them are speaking on the phone right now is for Javi to gush about the first two stops of his ice show.

Yuzuru goes silent halfway through Javi’s retelling on Elladj’s attempts at making the rest of the cast do backflips on ice. Javi trails off; Yuzuru’s really gone and fallen asleep to Javi’s voice hasn’t he? His chest swells with a wild surge of tenderness and he takes a moment to listen to the other boy’s gentle breathing.

“You’ll be alright,” he whispers, careful not to wake him. “Rest well, _cariño_.”

 

>><<

 

_Attention passengers, we’ll be arriving at the Billy Bishop Toronto City Airport shortly. Please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until the seatbelt light is off._

Javier Lopez Fernandez who? He’s officially changed his name to Javier Recklessly Dramatic Fernandez from today onwards.

It’s already half after seven in the evening, he’ll have to get settled into his hotel first before waking up bright and early tomorrow to figure out where to go from here. He huffs out a cold breath of air, loathing the maddening chill of Toronto’s winter. White Christmas lights drape across pale, balding trees and layers of powdery snow cover everything else. It’s certainly a change of scenery coming from colourful Madrid.

 _I’m not going to Vancouver_ , Yuzuru had told him two days ago, voice so small through the phone. _I try so hard, but I can’t_.

Javi couldn’t take it anymore. He’d booked the fastest flight back to Canada right then and there.

With the convenient excuse of grabbing at every chance he can to train for Europeans, Javi hasn’t received much grief about his sudden departure. His management team back in Spain doesn’t try to talk him out of it, despite the all around confusion with his rushed timing. They know he’s not going to Nationals, what with the whole short program fiasco going on. Brian, Tracy, and Ghislain welcome him back with no questions asked. They’re fully aware that Javi wants that seventh title as badly as he’d wanted to podium at PyeongChang.

When he gets to the rink the next day, he finds Yuzuru not on the ice, but on one of the lounge tables, poring over his notebook, laptop open on the chair beside him. Eduardo’s sister is seated across from him, mumbling to herself but looking equally as busy with her school textbooks.

Javi keeps silent as he approaches, smiling when he sees Yuzuru frequently looking up to help the little girl with a question or another.

“Today is May 4th and your birthday is on the 21st, how many more days left until your birthday?” She reads aloud, putting down her pencil to use both hands to count. “Do I count _today_?”

Yuzuru peers at her work sheet, “No need to count. I showed you best way earlier, remember?”

“Uhm…” She looks up to the ceiling, face scrunched up in thought. “Take the numbers and do something.”

“What is something?”

“Read the question,” she recites from memory. “If it’s asking what’s left, it’s subtraction.”

“And what are the two numbers?”

“21 and 4.”

“So the answer is…”

“I hate subtraction!”

Javi laughs at the outburst, making two heads turn towards him. Yuzuru doesn’t say anything, just looks at Javi with lips parted in shock, eyes wide as if he can’t believe Javi would be so extra as to pull this off.

The little girl—what’s her name, Lulu?—stares at him with the same gleam of admiration in her eyes as last time but it doesn’t look like she feels compelled to run out the door this time around so he’s not too worried about it.

Javi moves Yuzuru’s laptop on the table and slides into the newly unoccupied space beside him. “Hey you.” He drapes an arm behind the back of Yuzuru’s chair and the boy either doesn’t notice the proximity or doesn’t care.

“Hi,” Yuzuru mutters back automatically. “How— what are you—”

“I wanted extra training.” He shrugs, effecting his most nonchalant attitude, but then he looks at Yuzuru, who’s still looking at him all wide eyed and endearingly confused, and Javi just can’t keep up with the act. He leans forward, as close to Yuzuru as he dares to go. “And I missed you way too much.”

Yuzuru flinches, sputters into nervous laughter, then he shakes his head and pushes Javi right off the chair.

“Ow, hey!” Of course his trusty straight forward charm doesn’t work on Yuzuru. _Of course_.

Lulu’s high pitch giggles drown out Javi’s grumbling and he turns doleful eyes towards her. “Did you see that? You see how he bullies me?”

“I didn’t see anything,” she sing songs, swinging her legs happily under the table.

Javi gets up from the ground and seats himself on the chair beside _her_ since Yuzuru has rather rudely placed his laptop back on Javi’s abandoned spot. “I see what’s going on here, you’re on his side.”

Lulu hides her laughter behind two small hands.

“I’ll make you a deal.” He grabs a stray pen off the table and twirls it between his thumb and forefinger, a trick Yuzuru had taught him eons ago. “You switch over to my side and I’ll do all that terrible subtraction for you. What you say, hm?”

The little girl immediately nods, shifting her workbook closer to Javi’s side of the table. “I’ll tell Tracy that Yuzu is bullying you,” she mock whispers.

“Javi,” Yuzuru chides softly. “Don’t teach Lulu bad ways.”

“It’s not bad,” he retorts, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. “It’s called street smarts.”

“Street smarts to finish all the homework early!” Lulu interjects.

“Exactly.”

“You both are bad.” Yuzuru laughs, sliding Lulu’s math homework back in front of her. “You don’t need Javi, you are smarter.”

“Hey!” Javi puts his pen down, trying to make his pout as powerful as can be but Yuzuru isn’t even looking at him so it doesn’t work. He turns to the little girl, shrugging. “Guess you’re on your own.”

“Aw.” Lulu pouts, but dutifully starts working on the problems again, seemingly energized from their little intermission.

Eduardo emerges from the hallway behind Yuzuru not long after. Javi's the first to spot him so he gets up from his chair, wanting as little interaction with the guy as possible. He wants to spend time with Yuzuru, yes, but Javi prefers it to happen without Eduardo’s looming presence. He’s sure neither of them want a repeat of last time.

“You are going?” Yuzuru asks, pausing the mad scribbling he’s been busy with for the last minute.

“Yeah, gotta talk with Brian, work out the schedule now that I’m here early.” He looks up just in time for Eduardo to reach their table, noting the rigid way the guy holds himself in the face of Javi’s lukewarm gaze. “I’ll see you later, okay?” He says to Yuzuru, lingering a beat longer to bask in Eduardo’s uncomfortable disposition. “Bye Lulu, good luck!”

“Bye, Javi!” Lulu chirps from her seat, giving him a toothy smile in between packing up her books. She looks very thrilled at the excuse to interrupt her homework once again.

Yuzuru’s eyes flick behind him, catching on to the reason for Javi’s abrupt leave. “See you,” he says, almost drowned out by Lulu’s excitable humming.

Javi drags himself to the rink with a final smile towards the two and a civil nod towards Eduardo. He may have his petty moments but he is not, in fact, an uncultured heathen. His mother raised him better than that.

The next few days follow pretty much the same pattern. Javi gets to the club earlier than expected, hangs around a studious Yuzuru and an endlessly cheery Lulu, and leaves whenever it’s time for his training or when Eduardo arrives to take his sister home. Whichever comes first.

Their routine falls through as Yuzuru’s ankle gets better. On the next Thursday, Javi arrives to an empty table— Yuzuru’s already getting back to doing some off-ice training while Lulu opts to hang around her other friends now that her study buddy isn’t so readily available. Left by his lonesome, Javi uses his free time to catch up with family and check on his cats. He’s missed his cats _so much_ he’s not above begging Laura to snap some photos of his children to get him through the day.

On a particularly gruesome snowy day, Javi looks out the window from the rink, absolutely _kills_ it during practice (he’s not even panting that hard after his free skate run through which is a fucking _miracle_ ), and sees Yuzuru lacing up his boots on the bench for the first time in what feels like forever. None of those are in any way related to each other.

The bell’s still ringing to announce the perfect run through Javi’s just had. Brian’s off to the side, smiling like the proud skating father he is but Javi’s eyes inevitably land on the figure standing at the edge of the rink, bent in half to touch the ice he’s been so cruelly deprived of.

When Yuzuru skates to the middle, towards where Javi’s still standing with what must be a foolish grin on his face, you wouldn’t see a hint of hesitation in his glide. Not a single trace of the distance forced between this miraculous boy and his beloved ice.

Javi, still pumped with adrenaline from practice, catches Yuzuru’s waist when he passes. He gets an annoyed huff for his efforts along with the cutest little frown of displeasure.

“Yes, Javi?” Yuzuru says, one impatient hand trapped in between their chests. Javi’s delighted that it remains immobile, curled into a fist, but Yuzuru’s putting no effort whatsoever into pushing himself away.

“I’m stealing you,” he breathes out.

“Huh?”

“I’m stealing you,” Javi repeats, more confident this time. “You’re coming with me to Madrid.”

Baffled, Yuzuru can only laugh, “Um.”

Javi twists to wrap both arms around the younger boy and starts tickling him, a little put off that Yuzuru doesn’t seem to remember what he’d told Javi. It hadn’t been _that_ long ago, just a few months. It’s okay, though, Javi’s got receipts on his phone should Yuzuru ask for proof. “You know what I’m talking about!”

Yuzuru squeaks, laughing as he turns around in a poor attempt to escape. It only allows Javi to drape himself fully around Yuzuru’s back and get a better hold of him. “You talk nonsense!”

“Don’t use your aggressively improving English on me,” Javi chuckles, relenting to allow Yuzuru to catch his breath. “Remember what you said? That night, during Autumn Classic?”

Yuzuru stills in his arms but doesn’t turn around so Javi isn’t able to gauge his expression. His only response is a dubious hum, pushing Javi to barrel right on.

“This is me trying,” he clarifies, just in case he isn’t being obvious enough with where he’s going with this. He knows Yuzuru’s skipping every event coming before Worlds and despite the fact that the doctors have given him the okay to get back on the ice, he’s not yet ready to turn the intensity of his training back to normal. A vacation would do him well at this time.

Right?

It feels like the entirety of winter passes in his wait for Yuzuru’s response but reality knocks his dramatics off after a measly ten seconds. “Okay,” the boy finally says, relaxing into Javi’s hold. He tightens his arms around Yuzuru instinctively. “This is me letting you.”

Wait. “Really?” His words echo the disbelief in his own mind and Javi can’t help the surprised laughter that escapes him. He might have reasoned to all heavens that taking Yuzuru to Spain is the best idea he’s ever had but he hadn’t exactly expected for that to go so smoothly. “You’re… you’re serious, right?”

Yuzuru peers at him over his shoulder, eyes narrow. “What? So sure of yourself before and now you go ‘really’?” He tries to squirm out of Javi’s hold and the older boy lets up, if only so their coaches don’t feel the need to march up and drag him off of Yuzuru themselves. “That is dumb.”

“Dumb for you,” he answers, cheesy as can be.

Yuzuru snorts, “Stop.”

Javi only grins back, reaching out one more time before Yuzuru realizes how much time they’re wasting. “Hey.” He hooks a finger under Yuzuru’s chin and tugs it up so that they’re eye level. “Happy birthday,” he whispers, and, because he just can’t resist it, taps Yuzuru’s nose with his thumb. It scrunches up adorably in retaliation.

Brian calls Javi over, allowing Yuzuru to skate around without further distractions. His session finishes early today anyway, what with him needing to catch that video call meeting he’s set up with his team back in Spain. It’s ironic how he feels like retirement is so much more exhausting than being in competition sometimes.

“Javi!” A voice calls out to him once he’s almost out the building. He looks back to see Yuzuru peeking from behind the double doors leading to the rink, hair mussed and skates still on. “Thank you for birthday wish!”

Javi flashes him a lopsided grin. “Enjoy your day, okay?”

“Yes.”

He would’ve walked off after that, but seeing Yuzuru lingering by the door also has Javi’s entire body frozen, refusing to move until Yuzuru’s no longer standing there, looking at him with that shy smile and those shining eyes.

“Can’t wait for Madrid,” Yuzuru says, and Javi just about bursts with happiness.

“Me too.”

 

>><<

 

On the day Javi has to fly back for his show in Murcia, Yuzuru’s also at the airport to return to Japan. His mother doesn't like to spend December in Toronto and Yuzuru, sharing the sentiment, usually goes with her. But this time, Javi has the pleasure of knowing that their separation will only last a short period.

He busies himself with ice show preparations, getting back into the flow after almost three weeks of intensive training. He feels like a different Javi from the ones back in Pamplona and Malaga. It sounds ridiculous, really, but he means it in the best way. Like he can land that triple salchow in his sleep type of way. Maybe even that ever famous quad salchow too.

Murcia ends in a flurry of flowers, ribbons, and the crowd’s booming applause. Javi thinks his smile is permanently stuck to his face— he just can’t help it, for once in his life everything's going quite wonderfully.

The day he arrives back from Gran Canaria, his phone beeps with a message he’s been wildly anticipating. His body’s in that odd state of half awake from the remnants of rehearsal adrenaline and half wanting to die from exhaustion. It’s a feeling he’s gotten very used to this past couple of months.

 

**Yuzuru 16:42**

( ᐛ )و

I’m here!

 

**Javi 16:43**

I’ll get you

 

**Yuzuru 16:43**

Don’t need to

Please rest first

 

**Javi 16:44**

No, I’ll get you

Stay there

 

Despite the tiredness begging for his eyes to remain shut, Javi forces himself off the bed. He knows, without a doubt, that all the energy his tired little mind can gather will rise to the surface the moment he sees Yuzuru at the airport, so it’ll be worth it in the end.

“Pa, I’m borrowing the car for a bit,” he says on his way out, making his parents look over at him from the living room. “Gonna meet a friend.”

“Yuzuru?”

Javi nods, offering an embarrassed grin. He’s blabbed about it so much that his parents can already guess who he’s dragging his exhausted self out for.

“Is he alone or with family?” His dad asks— or more like yells over the sound of their ever present television.

Javi doesn’t quite hear him. “What?” He screams back over, shoving his feet into his boots.

There’s some shuffling from the couch, where his mom smacks his dad on the shoulder with the remote before she mutes the television. “Stop yelling, you’re five steps apart.”

Antonio laughs, repeating himself with normal volume this time, “I said is he alone or with his family?”

“Alone.”

“You should take him here for New Year’s eve.”

Javi’s not sure if Yuzuru’s ready for a Fernandez-Lopez New Year’s eve party. For a Fernandez-Lopez _any_ party at all.

“I’ll ask him,” he says, grabbing the keys off the shelf and high tailing it out of there before his parents put any other bizarre ideas into his already muddled brain.

He gets to the airport in record time, almost bouncing in anticipation as his eyes roam over the crowd, belated in his realization that he can simply send a message to Yuzuru asking where he’s waiting. Before he gets out his phone, however, he hears Yuzuru calling for him from behind. It’s mostly drowned out by the bustle in the airport but Javi’s learned to pick out that voice above the noise. He turns around, laughing when he sees Yuzuru making his way past wandering tourists with that funny little jog he does. Javi opens his arms, closing the few steps between them to scoop the other boy up in his embrace.

They haven’t been apart for very long at all, but Javi will take any excuse he can.

“How was your flight?” He asks, arms refusing to unlock from around Yuzuru.

Yuzuru lets go of his suitcase, lifts his hands to clutch at Javi’s jacket. “ _So_ long.”

Javi chuckles, “Yeah, where’s your hotel at? I’ll take you there.”

“But you have rehearsal, right?”

“It’s done, we moved it to earlier in the afternoon, come on.”

The entire ride to the hotel consists of Javi regaining his energy, just as predicted, and Yuzuru acting like an eighty year old whose tired and weary soul _can’t handle a night out today, Javi, I’m here for a week, you can take me out another time_.

Javi’s holding him to that.

“So what did your family do for Christmas?”

Yuzuru has to swipe the keycard twice before his door opens. “Nothing, just stay home together.”

“Really? No big family reunion? Santa hat and gifts?” He settles Yuzuru’s suitcase by the door, toeing off his boots while Yuzuru hangs up their jackets.

“Christmas not really family thing in Japan it’s—” Yuzuru pauses, fixing the arm of Javi’s jacket threatening to fall off the hanger, and then continues haltingly. “It’s couple thing. Um, we celebrate my birthday instead, very late but you know…” He shrugs, “It was so good. So much food! Canada needs more good food.”

Javi doesn’t bother to hide an amused smile. “Well, there’s lots of good food here too.”

“Yes,” Yuzuru agrees from the kitchen, where he’s moved on to poke and prod at the appliances like he’s really going to use any of it. “You must feed me _everyday_.”

“Then you have to go out with me everyday.”

Yuzuru immediately whines, “But that is so tiring. Bring me food here.”

“Yuzu, please, I’m not gonna let you become a hermit in my country.” Javi walks in the kitchen, chuckling fondly when he sees Yuzuru staring at the strangely futuristic looking toaster. It looks so out of place compared to the modest design of the kitchen. He steps closer, curiosity piqued. How is one supposed to toast bread in that contraption? He doubts Yuzuru has enough practice with a _normal_ toaster to be able to figure this out.

“Why do you make me—” Yuzuru twists around, abrupt movement almost causing them to crash into each other. Javi hadn’t realized just how close he’s gotten until now, standing nose to nose with a flustered Yuzuru. “Make me… um.” Yuzuru breaks eye contact, making his way to the fruit bowl on the counter. “What is wrong with getting take out?”

Javi raises his eyes to the ceiling. So they’re going to keep playing this game, huh?

“Nothing wrong with Madrid take out I guess,” he mumbles. Yuzuru’s still standing at the counter, picking up an apple and then letting go to choose another one, as if it makes any difference. “Just for today though. You get a pass for your hell flight.”

“Thank you,” Yuzuru says, not sounding very thankful at all. “So what you do for Christmas?”

“Eh, you know, big family, big celebration.” Javi leaves the kitchen before the temptation to corner Yuzuru again rises to unbearable levels. “Which reminds me, actually, do you wanna join us for New Year’s eve or do you have other plans?”

Yuzuru gives him an incredulous look. “Javi, you are my only plan here.”

There’s no hope for Javi to hide his shit eating grin. “Wow. Quite a way to make a man feel special.”

“You know what I mean.” Yuzuru rolls his eyes, putting down the apple in his hand. He walks over to his luggage and unzips it, puttering around as he unpacks while Javi lounges on the couch in his sweatpants and slouchy socks. Javi forcefully stops his brain from going down a dangerous route. A super dangerous and highly restricted _domestic_ route.

“Well, since I’m your only plan, you’ll just have to be where I am at all times, right?”

There’s some clinking going on in the bathroom, where Yuzuru’s somewhere inside knocking shit off the bathtub. “Yeah,” he eventually responds. “Where you go, I go.”

He knows it’s the work in progress English that makes Yuzuru say it that way, but the phrasing still goes straight to Javi’s soft putty of a heart.

“Okay,” Javi whispers to himself, too quiet for the other boy to hear. “You go where I go.”

 

>><<

 

Both Madrid shows take off just as spectacularly as the others, and if the crowd catches him mysteriously looking towards one side of the rink more than the other, they don’t pay it much mind in the end.

 

>><<

 

Javi had been right about one thing: Yuzuru Hanyu is definitely _not_ the slightest bit ready for a Fernandez-Lopez New Year’s eve party. Javi doesn’t even finish a single drink handed to him, too worried that his family would scare Yuzuru off while he’s not looking.

As per tradition, the entire clan comes over with plenty of booze and plenty of food. The latter manages to keep Yuzuru happy and Javi sane for longer than anticipated, but of course his obnoxious relatives won’t truly be themselves if they don’t bombard the cute Japanese boy beside Javi with a million inane questions, one after the other.

Yuzuru has always been able to keep his composure in front of a crowd— you would never think anything’s wrong until after the fact. Javi admires that from him; god knows Javi’s an outright mess when it comes to fronting but he’s also spent an embarrassing amount of time learning Yuzuru’s subtle tells and it’s becoming more and more apparent that the boy’s starting to get a bit overwhelmed.

He grabs Yuzuru’s hand and leads him to the balcony the very second his tipsy cousins begin frantically gathering gigantic bowls of grapes. They manage to sneak off fairly unnoticed, with only Javi’s mother giving them a look full of amusement as they go.

Yeah, no, he’s not going to let them rope Yuzuru into their manic grape eating contest for the countdown.

The fireworks should be starting soon anyway and they’ve got the best spot for viewing right here.

“Your family’s very energy,” Yuzuru leans against the railing once outside, breathing in the chilly air. “Energetic.”

“That’s one way to describe them.”

Yuzuru straightens up, smiles at him in that adorable way he does that makes him look _years_ behind his actual age. “I like them.”

“You do?” Javi gives him a skeptical look.

“Yes.” Yuzuru turns, their shoulders brushing together as he moves. “I see from them,” he continues, fingers moving under his sleeves as he grasps for words. “Why you are the way you are.”

“And how is that?”

“Warm.”

The first explosion of fireworks makes Javi jump, earning him a giggle from the beautiful boy beside him.

_Twelve_

They can hear the ruckus starting up in the living room and Javi looks back to see most of his family gathered around the television, cheering about something or another. Some of the more sober members simply watch on, gleefully recording the entire mess unfolding before them.

_Eleven_

The two of them share a good laugh about it, with Javi explaining the grape tradition in Madrid as best as he can.

_Ten_

“That is so… strange.” Yuzuru laughs, glancing over to the window where they can see one of Javi’s uncles desperately stuffing fruit in his mouth.

_Nine_

“Does Javi have a tradition?”

_Eight_

“Just one.”

_Seven_

“Will you do it?”

_Six_

More fireworks join the first as the countdown nears its end, and soon enough the sky is lit from every direction. The two of them quiet down, with Yuzuru’s eyes set upwards and Javi, ever the cliche he is, only has eyes for the boy of his dreams.

_Five_

Yuzuru’s always been mesmerizing, but even more so like this— lips parted in a half smile and bathed in the glow of the fireworks above them. He looks towards Javi, eyes shining with dancing lights so easily stolen from the sky, as if those pools of brown have something that the night and its stars could never hope to attain.

_Four_

“I don’t know.”

_Three_

_Kiss him_ , his mind urges. Javi’s hand twitches, closer to where Yuzuru’s are resting loosely on the railing. _Just fucking do it._

_Two_

Yuzuru’s saying something, lifting one hand to point above them, but Javi feels like an outsider in their very own moment, unable to hear past the insistent buzzing in his head. It’s like he’s watching a scene unfold rather than actively participating in it. He’s cheering for himself but his body doesn’t comply to his wishes, uncharacteristic fear freezing his limbs in place.

The frustration builds and builds. _Kiss him_.

_One_

He doesn’t.

 

>><<

 

Javi’s convinced he’s going to die a cruel death by melting into a goo of stress while the cleaner mops him up. 

“It’s fine.” He paces along the wall, fiddling with the material of his short program costume. “I got this.”

 _I Love Paris, Petit Fleur_. It’s the short program that won him his first European title and he’d jumped at the suggestion to revamp the program for this season. Not only is it something that he’s already familiar with, but Javi is a completely sentimental fool and what better way to say goodbye than to go back to where it started?

“Ready?” Brian’s by his side, eyes suspiciously bright. Javi doesn’t comment on it. Tracy’s just behind Brian, smiling at him in that gentle way of hers. He hears particularly loud cheering from the crowd and spins around to see the rest of Cricket Club waving a massive banner with Javi’s name on it. The sight of his coaches, his club members, the people who’ve stuck with him through all this time, calms him down in an instant and whatever nerves had gotten a hold of him earlier slides off like water down his back.

He grins at Brian, scooping up a lemon in between two fingers. “Ready.”

His blades hit the ice and he glides along the rink, looks up at the bright lights, spots the many cameras around, takes it all in. He doesn’t cover his ears when Voronov’s score is announced. He listens to it, letting the size of that score fuel him. Javi reminds himself that he’s been _waiting_ for this very moment. For the outlet he needs to prove to nobody but to his own self, that he’s worth everything he has going for him.

Because he is, he’s worth it. He’ll show everyone just how much. If this is the last time, he’ll make it worth their while. Make it worth his while.

The music starts and Javi lets it guide him. His body remembers the movements without much effort, allowing himself to relax, smirk at the audience, captivate them with his presence.

And when the music hits its first crescendo, he jumps.

 

>><<

 

He’s never seen the entire club looking so morose. Javi can’t blame them, though. The finality of it all is starting to sink in for him too and he’s afraid that if he dwells too much on it, he won’t be any better off than Tina from reception who looks like she’s determined to go through an entire Kleenex box by herself.

“Come on, guys. It’s not like I’ll be gone forever.”

His words don’t help. In fact, he thinks someone just started sobbing harder at the back.

He still has one last meeting with his coaches to look forward to soon after his leave but it won’t happen in the rink so Javi had stopped by Cricket to say his goodbyes. He’s headed off to Spain in the morning and now that he’s officially retired from competition, there isn’t much for him to use as an excuse to visit them. He’s aware that some would feel sad at his departure, but he isn’t quite prepared for the onslaught of waterworks it causes.

The skaters are doing much better than the staff. Between ice shows and other events, they’d still be able to see Javi after all. There’s still some teary eyes that Javi feels terrible about, however, and it leaves him feeling a little hollow.

But nothing— _nothing_ prepares him for the punch to the gut that Yuzuru’s goodbye invokes.

Yuzuru does nothing special so Javi doesn’t understand why the ground below him disintegrates, leaving him free falling. “Congratulations, seven time European champion,” he says cheekily and when Javi looks at him, he’s struck with the sudden realization that he’s run out of time.

They’re outside, near the back of the club where Yuzuru takes a shortcut to the transit when he wants to avoid being spotted. Javi can barely see him in the poor lighting; it’s not too late in the evening but winter in Canada has always felt like a perpetual state of darkness. Yuzuru’s about to leave for home. Home here, in Toronto. Javi’s about to leave for Madrid. He can’t think of a way to respond.

Yuzuru speaks again when he gets no answer. “Take care, okay?”

No, no, no. This is all going wrong. Fuck, say _something_.

Javi’s sure the distress is written all over his face.

“Bye, Javi.”

“No,” he chokes out, stumbling forward, engulfing the other’s smaller frame in his arms. He squeezes tight, afraid that Yuzuru would somehow slip out and walk away from him forever. Javi knows if he doesn’t say anything now, the right moment will never come. There will, in fact, be no other moment again for the next foreseeable future. “Yuzuru, I can’t.” He takes a deep breath, one hand moving up to cup the back of Yuzuru’s head, soft strands of black sliding through his fingers. “Don’t tell me goodbye. I can’t do it. Not from you.”

Yuzuru’s arms hang limp by his sides. He doesn’t make a sound.

“I have shit timing,” Javi starts, shutting his eyes tight as he moves to press their foreheads together. “But I need you to know.” Tentatively, he opens his eyes and sees glittering ones looking right back at him. “What I feel for you is beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.” His thumbs move to catch the tears falling from Yuzuru’s eyes. He’s slightly alarmed to see him crying at hearing the confession. “Please let me—"

“Don’t.” The word is between a breath and a whisper, quiet but unmistakeable.

“…What?” It’s a record scratch moment. The interruption causes Javi to lose what little momentum he’s built going into what would have been an impromptu monologue and he’s left with nothing but the most basic of questions.

“No. The answer is no.”

Javi forgets how to breathe.

He’s in no way so full of himself to believe that everyone he approaches will automatically return his affections. In fact, with his penchant for always going after what he wants no matter the odds, he’s had his fair share of rejections through the years. But this— this one particular rejection leaves him utterly blindsided. “Why?”

His mind replays everything they’ve done leading up to this moment and all of them point towards a rather positive outcome. Javi’s never been so sure, in all his time harbouring this embarrassing crush on his friend, that Yuzuru _does_ return his feelings.

“We can’t,” Yuzuru says, as if something as unhelpful as that has any chance of appeasing Javi.

“But… why?” Javi’s hands move down to hold Yuzuru’s loosely, their fingers remaining tangled for a second before Yuzuru slips out of his grip entirely. “Do you not feel the same?”

When Yuzuru turns around with apparently no intention of answering Javi’s question, anger builds inside him like hot coals setting his blood alight. But Javi consciously keeps his touch gentle even as he takes a firm hold of Yuzuru’s shoulders, standing in front of the infuriating boy to block his way. “Wait.” Yuzuru tries to shake him off and Javi lets out an irritated huff. “Wait, _hey_ , Yuzuru! Wait, look- _look at me_.” He’s about to pull off something so incredibly fucking cliche right here. “Look at me and tell me you don’t have any feelings for me and I swear on my mother’s name that you will not hear me question this ever again.”

Yuzuru’s staring holes into the ground below them and when he finally looks up, Javi’s surprised to see that he, too, looks mighty pissed off, “You _know_ I do.”

“So what’s the matter here?” Javi’s even more confused now. He’s dreamed of this day for so long, of Yuzuru himself confirming that Javi’s feelings are returned, but he never expected for this moment to go hand in hand with the stab of heartbreak. “What do you want me to do?”

“I just,” Yuzuru pauses, shoulders rising halfway up his ears in a weak shrug. “I want that you go home.”

“There’s not much for me back home."

The other boy laughs, it sounds bitter and wrong. “There’s everything. Don’t lie.”

“I can be home and still be with you.”

“Not what I…” A heavy sigh. “It won’t work.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

Javi takes a while to continue, drained by the continued refusal. “Why are you pushing me away?”

Yuzuru bites his lower lip, stepping closer to Javi and looking up at him searchingly, like he’s trying to pull an answer from the soul in Javi’s pleading eyes. Slender hands make their way up the sides of Javi’s face and the tender warmth in Yuzuru’s gaze is stunningly juxtaposed by the coolness of his hands. His touch has always been so cold. “It must happen while still like this.”

Javi looks at him, what little anger he has left has been doused under Yuzuru’s soft voice. “What?”

“While you don’t love me yet.”

He flinches, taken aback by those words. Hysterically enough, he’s almost _offended_ by that insinuation— yes, he may not be _in love_ yet, but he sure is getting there. And getting there fast. Javi knows himself and he’s on the edge of falling. One careless misstep to immutable.

“I’m already _gone_ for you,” he declares thoughtlessly, words pulled straight from the heart. Javi doesn’t understand why this is happening. He feels like he’s trapped in a long winding story he’s unknowingly started, but he’s been dropped straight to the part where it all ends, giving him no chance to breathe, no chance to find a resolution, no chance to fight.

It’s a small respite to see Yuzuru so stricken by Javi’s proclamation. He starts shaking his head and looks about ready to take off but Javi takes a hold of those cold hands one more time.

“Stop running away.”

“Stop _chasing._ ” Yuzuru’s tone takes a harsh turn and something unpleasant flips in Javi’s stomach.

“Why won’t you just give us a chance?” His own voice rises with his frustration.

“No point. I know how it ends.”

No point? _No point?_ Javi runs an impatient hand through his hair. “How could you possibly _know_ that?”

“Because!”

His phone rings in his pocket, jarringly loud in the silence following their outbursts. Javi groans, cursing the flawed timing. He sees Elena’s name flashing on the screen and he hates that he has to force himself _not_ to answer, knowing that she only calls when it’s important.

When he looks back to Yuzuru, the boy seems to have run out of steam, and he’s just standing there looking at the phone in Javi’s hand.

“Yuzu—”

“Just,” Yuzuru interrupts him before Javi even figures out how he wants to finish that thought. “Keep choosing yourself.” What’s that even supposed to mean? “Don’t go for me.”

Javi opens his mouth to retort but his phone rings again, promptly shutting him up.

Yuzuru’s smile is dim as he leaves, and Javi understands that there’s no hope of stopping him this time. “Go home, Javi.”

 

>><<

 

It’s nearing midnight when Javi forces himself to lay down in his hotel bed. He busies his mind with the imaginary patterns he sees on the ceiling for a good few seconds before calling it quits and succumbing to the thoughts he’s been desperately trying to suppress.

So Yuzuru thinks they have a doomed future together. Or at least that’s what Javi assumes, taking from the exchange they had earlier.

But he also admits that he feels the same for Javi so that’s one cause for hope right there.

Flailing into the sheets, Javi shoves his face into the pillows, allowing himself a few minutes of moping before resurfacing with renewed determination.

Javier Fernandez is no quitter. Just because Yuzuru had one-sidedly decided that it’s better for them to stay apart doesn’t mean that Javi will just accept it so passively. No, he’ll work for it if he has to.

 _It’s only too late if you’re dead_ , Laura’s words echo in his mind.

He’ll make Yuzuru see.

He grabs his phone from the nightstand, setting up an early alarm for his flight the next day. That stupid sinking feeling he so often gets makes itself present right at that moment and a mocking voice inside his head taunts, _oh yeah? You’ll make him see? And when exactly will you make that happen?_

Javi opens up his calendar as if doing so would magically provide him the opening he needs to come back to Toronto for whatever reason.

But just as expected, there’s nothing. Absolutely nothing. The next time they’ll likely see each other would be in an ice show somewhere and Javi’s not sure of the possibility that Yuzuru would be convinced to give them a chance after all that time has already passed.

Maybe Yuzuru has a point. Maybe it won’t work after all.

 

>><<

 

The next morning comes as a surprise— he doesn’t remember falling asleep, he’d been too busy obsessively trying to fix the mess his life has become. But he opens his eyes to the sun rays determinedly slipping through the gaps in the curtain. He could have sworn he’d shut the blinds tight last night to prevent this exact thing from happening.

The heater hums loudly in the background but the room is otherwise quiet, way too quiet for a day with such an early start.

 _Shit_. He throws the covers off of his exhausted body and then wraps himself back up. It’s too late anyway,he’s totally slept through his alarm. _Damn it_.

Can _anything else_ go wrong today? Might as well hit him with it. The universe is already beating him with a stick as it is.

Rolling over, he laments over how heavy his body feels, as if his sleep has done nothing but tire him out even more. He reaches the edge of the bed faster than expected, making him peek one confused eye open, wondering if his hotel bed has shrunk overnight or if he’s just losing his mind all over again.

There’s a brief moment of silence before Javi _jumps_ out of the bed and looks around with wild eyes taking stock of his surroundings, hair mussed terribly with sleep. It takes a second for things to click in his early morning brain.

His feet land on _carpet_ flooring, and Javi starts running around like a headless chicken, manic laughter slipping out at the sight of his old apartment walls, free of any decor other than the one painting Laura had gifted him back when he’d first moved in. His hands run over the cheap Ikea furniture almost reverently; he’s never entertained the thought of ever reaching the low of wanting to kiss a dusty old bookshelf out of sheer, magnanimous joy.

Is he back? Is he _really_ back?

Javi does a quick spin around, noting that everything looks to be in order.

Until his eyes land on the nightstand, that is.

Is that an _actual_ iPhone 4? He definitely did _not_ use that brick of a phone before 2018 came to steal him away. The mortified look on his face is quick to melt into one of curiosity when he sees a water bottle situated only a couple inches from the phone. A water bottle dressed in bejewelled white lace reminiscent of a particular program skated by the one boy who’d broken his heart.

What exactly is Yuzuru’s old water bottle doing on Javi’s nightstand?

The sight of the strange phone had cut through Javi’s excitement, but the water bottle now has him completely disillusioned. His memory may not be the best at times but Javi would most definitely _not_ forget it if Yuzuru and his water bottle had been with him the night before he’d been pulled to the future.

“What in the ever loving fuck—” he breathes out, anxiousness replacing his delight so abruptly that it leaves him with a strange emotional whiplash. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he mutters to himself, feet pitter pattering on the plush ground as he tries to figure out what to do next. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Javi rushes towards the ancient phone, frantic in his attempts to try and open it but the passcodes he put in turn out all wrong. It eventually locks up, not allowing him another try for the next fifteen minutes. Groaning out in frustration, he looks around to see if anything else is there for his benefit.

The small digital clock stuck to the wall, something that came with the apartment and usually goes ignored, is heaven sent right then and Javi just about trips all over himself to get to it. He slows down once he’s close enough to make out the numbers without the need for glasses, prolonging his own suffering as he squints at the words displayed below the gleaming hour.

He swallows, eyes watering in frustration. Yeah, okay, he’s gone back alright.

But fate must not be done playing with him.

 

_February 3, 2015_

 

“Mierda!” He reaches for his useless phone and throws it on the ground, the muted thud he gets out of it doesn’t bring an ounce of satisfaction. “A la mierda con esto!” He throws a book innocently resting on the shelf next. “Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!” His hand then grabs the water bottle but it doesn’t meet the same demise as the others. He holds it instead, clutching onto the sparkling lace for dear life. “ _Fuck_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA bet you didn't see that coming 
> 
> Also I am so sorry I know this chapter is A Lot and it makes me nervous posting it but. Welp. Past me apparently thought I could get through these plot points in less than 6k words and I’m not about splitting this chapter into two (there are like 3 existing versions of this chapter bc the whole gpf thing done messed me up)
> 
> I was gonna post this last Monday but work got a lil crazy so now it’s here, more than a week late but hopefully without too many errors in sight
> 
> I'm in Vancouver for gpf!! So next update won’t be til after all the craziness and recovery is done but you can find me screaming on [Tumblr](http://yuzuviere.tumblr.com) as always


	8. Restart

He’s going to rip his hair off. Or maybe they’d just fall off by themselves. Either way he’s going to go _bald_. He’s going to lose his hair one way or another, experiencing the kind of bullshit he does on a daily basis. 

A year hasn’t even passed since his arrival in that blasted future and now he’s been pulled across time and space, once again, to crawl his way around a life he’s not familiar with, to wear the skin of a version of himself he doesn’t recognize.

Javi likes to think that he’s a good person. He tries his best to treat others with the utmost respect, he’s kind and only selfish in his darkest, lowest moments. So frankly, he doesn’t know what the universe is punishing him for. Perhaps he’d been particularly nasty trash in a past life and now poor little figure skating Javi just has to suffer the delayed consequences.

The dumb phone on the ground starts ringing and Javi has half a mind to ignore it but the one thing he’slearned through his venture into the future is that things don’t get solved by sheer, willful ignorance. Avoidance will only postpone the inevitable, maybe even make the outcome more painful than it would have been otherwise.

He drops to his knees and flips the phone around— it’s Nam. An unexpected thrill of positivity runs through him as he picks up. At this time, Nam is still with them after all. But then his mood plummets right after, remembering how soon the boy’s departure is going to be.

Knowing the future is both a blessing and a curse, he’s fast starting to realize.

“Hey.”

“Yo Javi, where are you?”

“Still in my room,” he answers honestly. It dawns on him that it’s a weekday and seeing as he’s not yet retired during this time, there’s a _very_ high chance that he might be _very_ late to practice today.

Nam laughs from the other line. “Oh man, Brian’s gonna lose it. Come to practice already.”

“Yeah, yeah. Make up an excuse for me, please.”

“I think Yuzu’s done that already. Hurry up, though.”

Javi hangs up with a garbled hum, triggered by the mere mention of that name.

He doesn’t get to the rink for another half hour, needing a hot minute to scream at the realization that no, this version of himself doesn’t have a car and does, in fact, need to take the subway like every other normal person. The days of arriving early despite waking up late (by driving like a whole maniac, but Javi doesn’t want to talk about that) are over.

His soul flies out of his body when he realizes that he can’t stop by Starbucks on his way to the rink either, not because he’s already late enough as it is but because he’s too broke to do so. Living the luxurious life of Future Javier has really made him soft. He brings a thermos of shitty instant coffee instead.

Nam is there to greet him at the entrance, followed by Brian, who looks more concerned than annoyed at the sight of him. Javi raises an eyebrow at that.

“Are you feeling better now?”

It takes Javi a while to respond, “Uh, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Really?” Brian looks him over, unconvinced. It may not help that Javi’s still a little dazed from the sudden change in timeline and is pretty damn slow with his answers. What does he even call that? A jet lag? A time travel lag? “Yuzu says you hit your head pretty hard last night, you sure you’re okay to skate?”

Javi looks over Brian’s shoulder where Yuzuru sits on a bench, watching them. Yuzuru’s leaning forward, elbows on his knees, one hand supporting his chin, delicate fingers covering his mouth. Javi can still see the smile in his eyes.

Right. Hit his head. It’s disturbingly easy to act like it. “Yeah, just, uh, a little out of it but I’ll be fine.” Javi smiles to alleviate Brian’s worries. If he isn't having the literal worst day of his life ever, he’d feel guilty at the concern his coach approaches him with. But as it stands, Javi's going to take any excuse to ease up on the training for the day. Elite athlete or not, heartbreak and stress do _not_ a good combination make.

Brian continues off to his office where Javi guesses he and Nam were headed just before Javi’s arrival and Nam gives him a thumbs up before walking off. Javi snorts, shaking his head at the boy’s antics.

Now with no further interruptions, Javi’s free to walk up to his doom, also known as Yuzuru Hanyu, owner of Javier Fernandez’s bruised heart. Oh and the water bottle in his backpack. That too.

Seeing Yuzuru this soon is the sweetest torture. He knows, in his mind, that this isn’t the same Yuzuru he’d been with last night; they’re four years too early for the jaded boy who’d rejected him, but his heart still has trouble reconciling with the fact. “Here.” He hands the water bottle over to Yuzuru, who looks at it like it’s haunted. Javi wiggles it back and forth. He’s _burning_ to ask the question but he can’t formulate a way to ask without giving himself away. 

Yuzuru takes it from him slowly. “Thank you.”

Javi plops down on the bench, unceremoniously dropping the rest of his bags on the floor beside him. But instead of pulling his boots on, Javi leans into Yuzuru’s space and tries for a smile, aiming for casual like he’s not fraying at the seams. “How did you know I’d be late enough to need an excuse?”

The other boy blinks at him, lips twitching into the tiniest hint of a smile. Lifting the water bottle in his grip, he gently bumps Javi’s head with it, his tone matching the slight playfulness in Javi’s. “Because you hit head. Need cold bottle for it.”

“So I really hit my head,” Javi mumbles, mostly to himself. If Yuzuru questions his forgetfulness, he’ll just blame it on head trauma. He’s halfway through lacing up his boots when he notices that Yuzuru isn’t wearing his. He’s just sitting there in his sneakers, staring ahead at the skaters following Tracy’s stroking exercises. “You’re not skating?”

The other boy gives him a side glance. “Doctor say not yet.”

Ah shit. Javi hasn’t had time to fully register his current predicament, much less search up on what’s going on around him. Is Yuzuru injured again?

“How do you feel?” Javi drops his laces, abandoning the task halfway through. “Is it okay that you’re here? Why _are_ you here? Go rest at home.”

Yuzuru’s steadily looking more amused the more Javi talks but he can’t help it. Colour him a little fucking traumatized from what happens in the future. He doesn’t want to meddle with the natural flow of events— but if he can somehow nudge Yuzuru into taking better care of himself, he can only hope that it’d help in the long run.

“I talk with Brian before,” Yuzuru says, stopping Javi before he goes on another tirade. “Waiting for mom now. Is okay, I don’t skate, it’s not hurt.”

Javi lets it be then, finishing up with his boots and hitting the ice begrudgingly. As thirsty as he’d been to practice and compete in 2018, he can’t seem to find that same motivation now. Looking at Yuzuru still kind of hurts so Javi can’t even comfort himself with his presence.

Yuzuru gets up from his seat and stands at the edge of the rink, watching with rapt attention as Javi finishes his warm up and goes in for a triple axel. He pops it into a double and the frustration only pushes him to try for another one. He rotates this time, but falls on his ass quite spectacularly. Growling in anger, Javi gets up and attacks the jump for the third time— he barely lands it, putting his free leg down to maintain his balance.

“Javi?”

Disregarding the voice is a hard feat when every fibre of his being responds to it, like a lone sailor to a siren’s song.

“Javi.”

It’s louder now, maybe even edged with annoyance. Javi ignores him and goes for a quad toe.

“Javi!”

He pops it to triple and skates directly towards Yuzuru, the pick of his blades toeing the hard edge of the rink. “What?”

Yuzuru steps closer, furrowed eyes emitting authority despite the fact that he has to crane his head up, their height difference increasing with Javi standing in his boots. Javi refuses to back down, knowing how unreasonable and just plain _strange_ he must seem to Yuzuru right now, acting out so suddenly. He can’t bring himself to care.

Dark eyes roam over him, looking a hint confused and a whole lot worried. “What’s wrong?”

Javi stares down at him and he’s _weak_. So weak to this boy and his gentle eyes and the genuine innocence in his entirety. This Yuzuru doesn’t know of Javi’s feelings just yet and Javi may still be smarting from last night, but he sees, distantly, helplessly, the opportunity being presented right under his nose.

He looks down when he feels a light brush against his torso and sees Yuzuru’s hand hovering there, an aborted attempt to touch. Javi grabs that hand and links their fingers together. There’s a sharp intake of breath but no resistance comes against his hold.

“I’ll be fine in a bit,” he says, twisting to hide their tangled hands from view. His thumb absently caresses the back of Yuzuru’s hand, the touch bringing him comfort. “I just… woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” He barely resists laughing at his own dumb joke, allowing a smile to slip out instead, and feels this one reach all the way up to his eyes.

A second chance. This is his second chance. 

He’ll win Yuzuru over, this time around.

“Okay.” The other boy is still looking at him with his lips curled with concern.

“Really. Don’t worry about me, hm?”

“Yuzuru!” Brian belts out from the entrance, back from his office meeting with Nam.

Javi watches Yuzuru’s face as it slackens in disbelief, eyes rolling up to the ceiling in utter annoyance.

“I’m not on ice!”

Brian squints at them from the other side, nodding when he confirms that Yuzuru’s still in his sneakers, standing on the ground. He gives Javi a _look_ that makes him immediately release the grip he has on Yuzuru’s hand. There’s only so much he can get away with, using the ‘I’m an affectionate European’ card, after all.

“Go sit down.” Brian marches over to them and Yuzuru begrudgingly walks back to the bench. “Javi, I wanna see a short program run through.”

Oh shit. “Uh.”

“What?”

“What was… uh.” Oh shit, oh shit, _oh shit._ “I need to go to the bathroom. One sec.”

He practically sprints to the change room, snatching up the bags he’d left beside the bench on his way. Yuzuru snickers as Javi passes by — the absolute _brat_ — and offers no help whatsoever despite the distress pouring out of Javi’s every pore. What happened to being all concerned for Javi’s well being? This boy isn’t _loyal._ Granted, he doesn’t know what’s got Javi freaking the absolute fuck out but he could’ve at least not laughed at his misery.

Javi huddles up in a cubicle and watches a video of this season’s short program. There’s no way he’d be able to absorb all that choreography and layout within one day. Don’t even get him started on the monster that is a free skate program. How would he go about getting David and Jeffrey to show him everything all over again before Worlds comes around?

 

>><<

 

He gets out of the bathroom and tells Brian that he wants to add a quad flip into his programs. Brian curses in an impressive variety of languages and sends him straight to a walk-in doctor.

Unsurprisingly, he gets released from the clinic with the diagnostic of a big fat nothing but Brian still insists that he skip training for the rest of the day. Javi utilizes all the extra time to contact David and Jeffrey to let them in on the insanity he’s brewing. Just as expected, he’s met with quite violent reactions.

But the most important thing is that they both agree to meet with Javi to go over the choreography for his programs, if only to show him that no, he cannot, in fact, just throw in a new quad this late into the season no matter how much he wants to win.

 

>><<

 

Outside his usual training schedule, Javi finds himself with a lot of free time. Without Elena emailing him at every given moment, he spends most of his days watching movies with Effie, Skyping with his family, or going out with his friends. It’s nice to finally have some lazy days after all the madness he’d been thrown into post PyeongChang.

He’s also gotten back into the habit of arriving earlier than usual in the hopes of catching Yuzuru alone at a table. The other boy’s refusal to go out anywhere is back in full force so Javi decides to hog him at the club. If Yuzuru won’t go out with him then Javi will stay inside with him. He doesn’t quite manage to do it everyday, though, as constantly waking up early is just _not_ in his blood.

They start training together again when Yuzuru gets the green light to start skating— it had been a stomach surgery, Javi had later found out. He can’t help but worry every time he sees Yuzuru sprawl out on the ice after a fall, watching him hold his torso after the impact makes anxiety crawl up his throat. Javi’s right there whenever it happens, catching Yuzuru’s hands and pulling him upright, gentle as can be.

“That was really off just now,” Javi says in lieu of asking whether Yuzuru’s feeling alright. He’s pretty sure Yuzuru’s ready to punch the next person who asks him that same question today.

The boy nods, huffing out a frustrated breath as he lets go of Javi’s hand, skating off to the other side, gaining speed like his life depends on the next jump— and it may as well be true, seeing as one bad landing can shatter the carefully sewn pieces that make up Yuzuru’s entire being. Javi watches, helpless, when Yuzuru falls yet again, gets back up, lands the next attempt.

It’s not his place to say anything and it’s driving him absolutely mad.

Brian steps in before Yuzuru spirals further into his own craze, pulling him back and instructing him to follow Tracy for the next half hour. Javi exhales through his mouth, feeling his chest loosening at the reassurance that Yuzuru would be safe from any jumping accidents for another day.

Javi’s own practice is solid for the first time since his _arrival_. He feels good, in his element, and his foray into the future has certainly given him the confidence to believe in himself. Unfortunately, it’s also changed the dynamic between him and his rink mate, although this shift in the atmosphere might be wholly one-sided on his part.

Yuzuru is no longer a sweet lily in the pond, a soothing presence to revel in— he’s a storm waiting to happen, a rush of wind and dust threatening to pull Javi into its center, only to leave him breathless and confused, alive but unsure of how he’d survived. You can argue that Javi’s being a little dramatic here, but honestly, he doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings for Yuzuru. His eyes constantly find the slim figure every time there’s a moment of pause in his concentration and it scares him, this avid fixation.

Especially when deep down, in a dark crevice inside himself that he never wants to acknowledge, hides a man terrified of the outcome should he lay his feelings out in the open one more time.

A soft tap against his shoulder brings him out of the sinkhole disguised as his thoughts and he turns to see Yuzuru smiling like he hadn’t just fallen on his injured stomach half an hour ago. Javi legitimately worries for the state of this boy’s sanity.

“You okay?” Yuzuru asks, looking pleased at the opportunity to inflict that cursed question onto someone else.

“Yes.” Javi ends his staring competition with the wall and walks to the bench to remove his boots. “Just peachy.”

“Peachy.” Yuzuru repeats after him, testing out the word and Javi wants to scream from how adorable that is. Luckily, he refrains. “Javi, you are busy after?”

Javi stills, sitting on the bench with his hands hovering above his boots. There’s a slow smile spreading across his face once his brain processes the question, a spark of excitement running through him at the unexpected implication. “No, why?” He tries to sound as nonchalant as possible, not wanting to sound too eager in case this doesn’t turn out the way he expects.

“Do you want, um.” Yuzuru looks up as if the ceiling would hold a placard for him to read off of. “Mom has things doing at home so…”

There’s a brief silence following his words that clues Javi in on the fact that the boy doesn’t quite know how to continue. Javi waits a little, letting Yuzuru find his way towards the rest of that sentence but the longer the silence goes on, the deeper Yuzuru’s grimace appears.

Javi chuckles, trying to parse it out himself. “So you got kicked out for the rest of the day or?”

“Yes!” He sounds too happy admitting that considering the situation. “I don’t want stay here. I’m bored.”

“Don’t you have school work you can do?”

“Yes, Javi,” Yuzuru deadpans, looking at Javi like he’s disappointed him. “But I say I’m _bored_.”

“Okay… so?”

Yuzuru huffs and Javi enjoys the cuteness of his grumpy expression for all of two seconds before there’s a jacket being thrown over his head. Yuzuru stomps towards the change room while Javi bends over laughing, jacket crumpled in his hands as he gets up to hop over to the lockers as well.

“Come on, Yuzu, what did you wanna say?”

“I’m trying asking Javi for hang out but don’t want to anymore.”

“That’s a pity, I would’ve said yes.”

“Sad.”

“So sad.” Phone in hand, he’s in the middle of texting his friends a quick ‘I’ll join you guys for drinks next time, I’ve got stuff to do today’ when the slam of a locker door makes him look up to where Yuzuru’s headed to the spot beside him, ball of fresh clothing in his arms. “Where would we have gone?” Javi pockets his phone and starts working on his laces again. “If you asked me to hang out and I said yes?”

Yuzuru scrunches his nose. “Skating.”

Javi’s speechless for a moment. “In this hypothetical world, where we could hang out _anywhere_ in the city and do _anything_ , you want us to go skating.”

“Yes. Outdoor skate.”

“Yuzu, what the fuck.”

The other boy shrugs. “Why the matter? I not ask you anymore.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Javi finishes packing up his boots and heads over to his own locker for a change of clothes. “We can stop by at yours first to drop off your stuff before we go out.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? We’re not wheeling your bag around the entire time.”

“But what we use for skating then?”

“We are not skating.”

“Whatever.”

Javi does a double take. “Don’t whatever me!”

Yuzuru ignores him. “How about your bag?”

“It’s a duffel, I’ll live.”

“You leave it at house too. Heavy.”

Javi changes into a new shirt and throws a hoodie over it, covering his growing smile with the layers of fabric. “Okay, I’ll do that.” Perfect, he now has an excuse to accompany Yuzuru home later in the night.

They’re one bus ride away from Yuzuru’s house and they make a quick trip out of dropping the bags off without disturbing Yumi too much. Yuzuru insists on taking the train downtown, though, wanting to get there as soon as possible.

“What’s the rush?” Javi asks, hopping on the nearly empty train because no one in their right mind would choose a ten dollar transit to the city. Evidently.

“Outdoor ice turn shitty if we are too late.”

“I told you, we are _not_ going skating.”

“But there are lights!”

“Since when did you care about the lights?”

“ _Always_ ,” Yuzuru intones, giving him a blank look. “Tell me what else can we do in winter here.”

That’s a good one. Javi can’t think of anything, especially when his wallet is so painfully empty. Someone up there must really enjoy tormenting him; the day finally comes that Yuzuru initiates an outing and here Javi is, broke as fuck. Gotta love it. 

Yuzuru’s dragging him out of the train in no time, leaving Javi with no choice but to accept the fact that they’ve left their nice little private rink for a banged up public one. There are a lot of people milling about and Javi’s quite baffled that Yuzuru would choose such a crowded spot to spend time in but, well, beggars can’t be choosers.

And Javi’s pretty much been begging for a chance to get Yuzuru to himself.

The real entertainment comes when Yuzuru realizes that they’d have to use rental skates— and by rental skates, they mean beat up hockey skates with blades of questionable sharpness. He looks at the atrocities in Javi’s hands with the type of utmost horror that sends Javi into stitches.

“You wanted this,” he says, thrusting one pair into Yuzuru’s slack arms. He waits until the boy has a solid grip on them before sitting his ass on the ground and putting on the skates right there. He looks up to see Yuzuru still staring at the skates like they’ve personally offended him.

“How do we…” Yuzuru doesn’t finish his sentence, shaking his head and plopping down beside Javi instead. He puts them on gingerly as Javi sits there, cross legged and amused. They look strange on Yuzuru, all bulky and tattered like that. 

Getting up to start the actual skating is a whole other adventure. Javi stumbles, mostly due to the fact that he’s laughing too hard to pay attention to what his feet are doing. But he can’t say the same for Yuzuru, who’s hunched over and sliding around like a proper newbie.

Yuzuru stomps one foot on the bumpy ice and yells out to Javi who’s already a few feet ahead of him. “I don’t trust this!”

Javi skates back to him, slower than he would have liked but infinitely more comfortable than the other boy is. “Why? Trust in your training!” He says, barely able to finish the sentence as he bends over laughing.

Yuzuru’s squatted down by now, refusing to move another inch. He looks wholly unamused by Javi’s words. “This is banana blades, Javi.”

“I— what?” Javi carefully stops in front of Yuzuru and bends down to his level, grinning fondly at the sight. Yuzuru’s hat has ridden low, only little tufts of hair visible below it. He’s got his scarf wrapped firmly over his nose and mouth so that only his eyes are left uncovered.

“Banana blades,” he repeats, reaching out to poke at Javi’s own foot. “So short, edge feel weird.” The displeasure is evident in his eyes. “This is wrong.”

People pass by them without a second glance, oblivious of the fact that an olympic champion is currently having a breakdown over his rental skates. Javi’s grin grows larger, unable to hide his amusement any longer. “You’ll get used to it in a second. Hold my hand?”

Yuzuru huffs but straightens up when Javi pulls the both of them upright. The latter skates backwards, breathing out a chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. He’s forgotten his gloves back at the club so the wind is bitingly cold against the part of his hands not touching Yuzuru’s but he doesn’t let a whisper of complaint leave his lips.

“So?” Javi asks after a few moments of silence. Yuzuru looks up, sliding his hands off of Javi’s to fix his hat before it has the chance to fall over his eyes. It looks like he’s gotten over his initial funk and has no problem gliding along Javi’s side by now.

“So what?”

“Still think this is a good idea?” It hasn’t even been a minute since they’ve separated but Javi kind of already misses holding his hand. Yuzuru looks down at the ice as he tries to gain more speed, backing down when his poorly sharpened blades skid awkwardly against the pressure.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

Yuzuru tilts his head up, glancing overhead where the lights blink down at them in multitudes of colour. “Yes, it get prettier than before.”

That makes Javi pause. “You’ve been here before?”

“Yes.”

“By yourself?” He sounds incredulous even to his own ears.

“No, with friend.”

No offence but Javi’s always thought that he knows every single one of Yuzuru’s friends here in Toronto— mainly because all of them train at the same rink as they do. “You have friends?” Yuzuru swats at him and Javi barely dodges, wracking his brain for anyone he might have missed.

“He not from here.”

“Ah,” Javi breathes out, his shoulders drooping from the immediate release of tension. He’d been worried that he’s got another Eduardo situation right here. It’d do well for him to never have that kind of stress in his life ever again, thank you very much.

The crowd doesn’t thin out the longer they stay. In fact, it looks like more and more people show up the darker the sky gets. Yuzuru pokes and prods at him to get them some food when they near a Beaver Tail stall, claiming he’d pay for everything if Javi does all the talking. They waddle over to sit on the benches littering the side of the rink, paper cup hot chocolate and fried pastries in hand.

“You are excited for Worlds?

Javi wipes sugar off his face, chewing slowly to delay his response. “I try not to think about it.”

Yuzuru frowns, confused. “You don’t think about competition?”

“I do. It’s just…” He now has to swipe some sugar off his pants, maybe he should’ve gone for the Nutella flavoured one to avoid this mess. “If I think about it too much, I’d barf.”

“Ew!” Yuzuru scrunches his nose, laughing a little before taking a sip out of his drink.

“Exactly, so we don’t want that.”

“No, don’t want that.”

Javi looks at him, recalling the rough practice runs the other boy has had to endure for the past few weeks. The bad days have surpassed the good ones and he can only imagine the frustration Yuzuru must feel leading up to the World Championships. He feels like an entire fucking prick, knowing how things are _supposed_ to go, if the future he’d seen is to be trusted at all. But Javi wants it so bad— to see the fruit of his harvest is one thing, to make his achievements _happen_ is a whole other accomplishment that he’s now able to experience for himself and nothing can make him back down from the challenge.

 _Not even this_. He’s acutely aware of their legs touching as they huddle together for warmth.

Developing feelings for your rival certainly is a complicated thing.

Yuzuru agrees to take the subway home now that they’re not rushing to get anywhere. It’s not as packed as they expected when they arrive at the station and Javi thanks the deities for small mercies. He leads them to the least populated car and drops down into a two seater, glad to finally be out of the cold.

The subtle rocking eventually lulls him into a half-asleep state and he allows himself to slump into his seat, head leaning against the wall behind him. It’s a bit of a ride back to Yuzuru’s place and Javi has to figure out the fastest way to his apartment from there so maybe a nap would do him well at the moment.

But then a warm weight lands on Javi’s shoulder, rendering him fully awake in a matter of seconds. Half of his brain maniacally screams _god almighty, Yuzuru’s resting against him_ but the other half is in denial, refusing to get too excited, because shit like this doesn’t happen to Javi. Yuzuru does not simply ask him to hang out and _then_ initiate contact like this all in one day. It just doesn’t happen.

Except it really is happening but he doesn’t how to deal with this onslaught of _feelings_.

Javi shifts, careful not to dislodge Yuzuru, and relaxes back down so his cheek lands atop the other boy’s head. He rubs his frozen hands together as he’s apparently too nervous now to stop them from shivering altogether. Small, gloved hands come up to hold them still and Javi’s breath catches. He looks down to see Yuzuru’s hands resting in his grasp, emitting the warmth he so badly craves. For once, Yuzuru’s touch is firewood rather than unforgiving ice. He closes his fingers over them, engulfing Yuzuru’s hands in a selfish bid to steal all of the heat while it lasts.

His eyes climb up from ogling at their hands and accidentally make contact with an elderly lady sitting across from them. She glances between himself and Yuzuru, giving Javi a soft, knowing smile. 

Javi’s chest thunders, his heart doing its damndest to beat itself out of its cage. He knows, that in this stranger’s reality, he and Yuzuru are so much more than they truly are.

He smiles back at her, wishing for her reality to be his.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s take a breather from the drama last chapter shall we  
> Super belated happy new year to everyone!!
> 
> I originally called this chapter as 'the one with an overabundance of hand holding' and iT SHOWS


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